The wrong elf?!?

Elf on a Shelf arrived at our house this year. The first day, he was sitting with his book on our shelves near our tv. We saw him, read the book, and discovered who he was. First of all, we discovered that he was really a she! We saw that she had earrings, lipstick, curly eyelashes! My son, Hunter, named her Sparkle.

The next day, we came downstairs to find Sparkle hanging upside down from our blinds! Sparkle loved acrobatics it seemed. Hunter had some reservations about Sparkle that day. He eyed her cautiously through the day, and wouldn't be left alone in the same room as her.

The following day, Sparkle was sitting way up high above our kitchen table on our lights. Again, with the acrobatics! It was on this day, in Sparkles sitting position, that I noticed she was pretty flat chested! I look closer. Sparkle was really a boy!!! My husband and I decided Sparkle must just be a cross dresser. No big deal, in our house, we don't judge! Sparkle was still welcome...by the adults. Hunter decided on this day that Sparkle was the most terrifying creature to ever exist. The 6 year old who wears Chucky masks on a frequent basis, watches movies about zombies, and talks about "blood and stuff" was freaked out over a little elf. He was so freaked out in fact, that Hunter refused to be on the same FLOOR as Sparkle without an adult present. This got to be a bit much, and Mom and Dad had to come clean about what Sparkle REALLY was. Mom thought her fun had come to an end for the year...

UNTIL the next day...it seems Sparkle overheard our conversation about his true story, and became depressed. After a day away from the house, we came home to find this...

Evidently, our cross dressing Elf was also an alcoholic suffering from depression. After a long night, seemingly drinking his blues away, we awoke the next morning to find Sparkle here:

At this point, we're feeling a little sorry for Sparkle, but still, we've all had those nights, so we decided that he could stay. Hopefully he'd swing around and start acting like a more mature elf (the kind Santa boasts about) soon. 

Stay tuned to see what comes of our family's adventure with Sparkle...

A Snapshot of our lives since August -

At the beginning of August we (and by we, I mean my husband) decided it was time to expand our family. Although I would never tell him "no" to this after craving a baby for years and having dealt with several miscarriages, it was honestly not the right time for me. I was about to quit one job and start another one (luckily, a work from home one), I was approaching one of the busiest times of the year for my photography business, and my darling son was about to start Kindergarten. Changes were already abundant in our family. I was already overwhelmed with how emotional I was getting saying goodbye to the kids I have nannied to for the past 4 years. I couldn't picture my little boy going off to kindergarten from 8:30 in the morning until 3:45 EVERY day. I was already a wreck. It wasn't the right time for me. But, evidently it was, because we got pregnant immediately.

My life was consumed with fear from the moment I knew I was pregnant - days before I ever got a positive test. I knew I wasn't imagining the symptoms. I was elated, filled with joy, excited, and feeling thankful - but I was so fearful. Terrified. The first few weeks there were our concerns over whether the pregnancy could be maintained. Blood tests every 48 hours with numbers that were rising - but not fast enough. Although I had been on progesterone since conception, we changed to a stronger formula. Numbers started increasing. Things looked good. Blood tests stopped. It seemed the pregnancy was sticking. Elation. Joy. Fear. Fear. Fear.

One of my first days pregnant, I went and reread some journal entries I had made while pregnant with my son. One of them blatantly says ":( I think my journal will eventually become a reminder of why I should never become pregnant again." 

Fear. So much fear. With Hunter, I had undiagnosed hyperemisis gravidarum (HG) which in short, is extreme morning sickness. My good days, I threw up 15 times a day. Most days were more like 30. I would go days without holding down food or liquid. I had an unsupportive doctor, was virtually alone in Texas, and kept getting told that it was "just" morning sickness. People "crackered" me constantly. No one seemed to understand that no food stayed down - least of all crackers or ginger ale. On an already thin frame, I lost 20 pounds, was put in the "underweight" category, and still got no support from my doctor. Not until I moved back to CO and found a new doctor did I realize what I had. By then, I was over the "hump" and was able to hold most of my meals down.

But I never forgot what those initial months were like. No energy, barely the ability to move, weak, and so sick. I've always been fearful that it would happen again - but with better doctor support, I felt more optimistic. But I was still fearful.

With this pregnancy, the nausea started at 5 weeks and the vomiting at 6. With a doctor plan already put in place, I was put on oral Zofran immediately. We quickly upped it to twice a day. I was also taking B6 and Unisom at night. I pretty much had to give up on my prenatals for a period of time. The funny thing about Zofran is that it is a drug that triggers your brain to NOT throw up. It does not take away any of the nausea. The truth of the matter was, I felt like crap 100% of my waking hours. But crap could get worse, and a lot of days, I felt like death. I became thankful for the "crap" days. Most days still involved throwing up multiple times - typically less than 5 though. I only had a handful of days where I threw up 10+ times. I was thankful for that too. Although there was days we discussed Zofran pumps and IVs, for the most part, I stayed hydrated enough that we were not too concerned about my actual health or the babies health.

To say that this medicated journey of HG was an improvement over the non medicated journey of HG is a HUGE understatement. But to say that it was good is just crazy. You'll probably judge me for saying this (I judge myself...) - but I know that others with HG understand - so I'm going to say it. I thought about terminating the pregnancy almost daily. I so badly wanted it to be over. I couldn't feel like that anymore. I couldn't possibly spend one more day in bed watching my life crumble away around me. I am PRO-LIFE in MANY ways. Now, the thought of abortion (for me) once again makes me cringe....but for weeks on end, it was a daily thought. Without my husband's unrelenting support, understanding and compassion, I probably would have gotten further in the process than just thinking. That makes me cry. But it is so important to say because it is how I felt every single day.

Let me just take a second to talk about my husband here. Like I said above, I don't doubt that I could not have handled this without him. He was my rock. There was never a moment that he got angry with me or upset that I was not being a wife or a mother. He brought me food when I asked but didn't push it on me, held me when I cried, told me it would be okay, and that it wasn't my fault I was so sick. Told me I was not worthless. He took care of our son, the laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping all while finding, interviewing for, and working out the logistics of a new job, while holding down his old one. He was amazing. And I am thankful for him.

I did feel like I lost control of my life completely. I still had my work from home job - but I typically only actually worked an hour or two every day. Mostly, I sat in front of my desk with my eyes closed, willing myself not to throw up. I left a few photography sessions on my calendar, but stopped booking any new sessions. And being that it was my "busy" time of year, I constantly got photography related emails and phone calls. I would ignore a lot of them for days until I would get so mad at myself for pushing away the business I worked so hard to build. And then I would reply. I hated talking on the phone - every time I opened my mouth I wondered if I would throw up. I preferred to have my lips sealed and my teeth tightly clenched. I would ignore calls from my Mom and my friends because I just didn't want to talk. I often felt depressed, alone. I cried every day - but - I tried not to because it just made me need to vomit. My house was a disaster. I don't know what my husband or son ate - but I'm pretty sure it involved pizza at least 4 times a week.

On the weekends, I would try to get out of the house with Chase. It often helped me feel a little better, and kept me in a happier state. But during the week, when I was alone - I just felt myself sink further and further into a hole. People would tell me "only a few more weeks and you'll start to feel better." That was hard because a few weeks felt like ETERNITY. I didn't even know if I wanted to survive into the next day. And although I had hope because my HG started to ease up at 16 weeks with Hunter - you just never know. Every pregnancy is different. And I couldn't comprehend feeling the way I did until April.

Luckily - around 14/15/16 weeks, the nausea did start to ease up. I started spending more time out of bed and with my family. I became more excited about the pregnancy and the baby. The depression lifted. I would go days without throwing up. I started gaining weight instead of losing.

At 18W3D today, I mostly feel good. I still feel nauseas all the time, and although I tried to wean myself off of the Zofran, it didn't work. I'll continue taking it for awhile longer. I can eat meals - sometimes I eat A LOT! But I almost always eat at least 3 meals a day. I can drink and no longer rely on Otter Pops for hydration. In fact - I can't tell you the last time I ate an Otter Pop. I lived on them for weeks. Literally. A few weeks ago, when I started coming out of my hole - my son asked me one day why I was so happy. I wasn't even that happy...I was just...up. Walking around. Helping him with homework. Talking to him. Feeling alive. It broke my heart to know that I wasn't a Mom for awhile.

I think I'm writing this because I want people to understand. HG is not diagnosed that often, but it is diagnosed. And most of those women have it SOOO much worse than I do. As a civilization, I think we're quick to judge people. So maybe this will help someone else understand. Or help someone with HG know that they are not alone. All I know is that I felt it was important to write down my story.


ETA May 2014 -

Unfortunately, HG stuck around the remainder of my pregnancy with Ayla. It was accompanied by extreme hip/joint pain that is now being linked to HG. We made it to Ayla's birth. We survived. But I had to fight and push through every day. Chase had to tell me every day that I COULD do it. That I WOULD do it. He had to remind me every day to look at how far I had already come. HG was the worst experience of my life. I continued with Zofran for the remainder of my pregnancy, and had to be put on Reglan the last 10 weeks. After the vomiting started at 6 weeks, I never took another prenatal again. A year later, when I think too much about it, or get a bit of nausea, I have panic attacks. I've spent $3K on top of the HG medical bills on dental bills to fix what HG ruined. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world - because through HG, I got my Hunter and my Ayla - but I would give anything to save another woman from going through what I went through to get their miracle.

2011

The years gone by...

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Left the country on water (cruise), became the owner of two ferrets, helped my Mom kick cancer's butt, shot 8 weddings over the summer, bought a hat with ear flaps, went to Vegas, ran 3 miles straight, drank sweet tea vodka.

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't like New Years resolutions. No one ever keeps them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I saw so many newborns this year because of my job - some of these girls I knew before the baby, and I waited an impatiently as a new aunt for them to give birth! Closest to me was my sister-in-law who gave birth to my new niece Kinley Addison on Nov. 19th. She is such a joy to me!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I'm going to stick with my previous answer that death is not the only way to lose someone. I feel like I've dealt with loss and death way too much in the last few years and I'm hoping 2012 steers away from that trend!

I did lose my Grandmother over the summer, and Chase's Grandfather a week later. RIP.


5. What countries did you visit?
On our cruise, we went to Mexico (Cozumel), Belize (Belize City), Hondures (Roatan), and The Grand Caymans (Georgetown). It was AMAZING!


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I would like to have clarity with what I'm going to do (career wise) when Hunter goes to kindergarten next year , a Canon 5D (one can dream...), a better way of prioritizing when family and work are colliding and a great relationship with my husband and son (we have a great family bond now, but there's always room for improvement!!).

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Always a bunch...

Feb. 5th - Got to see my good friend Grant again AND left COLD Colorado and headed to SUNNY Florida!
Feb. 6th - 13th - Carribean cruise with the Anderson Family. SO much fun, GREAT memories.
April 7th - Had a rough doctors appointment discussing the challenges of adding to our family, found out my Mom had found a lump on her breast.
April 23rd - Learned I would be an aunt again!
April 27th - Brought Ava (ferret #1) home!
May 6th - My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer
June 6th - My Mom's mastectomy
June 10th -12th - Much needed getaway with my husband to Grand Lake to celebrate our anniversary and my 25th birthday.
July 15h - Brought Lily (ferret #2) home!
July 26th - Aug 9th - My sister was in town.
Aug 21st - 26th - Vaca to Las Vegas and Lake Powell
Oct 2nd - My BFF got married!
Nov 1st - Hunter's 5th Birthday!
Nov 19th - Kinley Addison Lydick was born!

Wow, that's a lot!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The success of my business, the happiness of my marriage, the strength I continue to grow.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being too emotional about things I can not control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, luckily.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Chase's truck. He has waited for it for a long time, I was so happy we were finally able to get it for him.

Our Droids, because it helps all of my addictions grow, and my tablet for the same reason.

Our couch will hopefully be on this list - I SO very badly want a new couch!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother - who's strength and courage in such a scary time was amazing and admirable. My husband for continuing to be a soft place for me to land.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Our cruise, our trip to Vegas/Powell, Hunter's birthday, Kinley's arrival, Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Rascall Flats, Stand


17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
I went through a lot this past year - but I think I came out of it happier and more satisfied with my life and the direction it is heading.


ii. thinner or fatter?
Thinner

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer although it certainly doesn't seem like it.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with family. They are the ones that matter most.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cleaning, editing, driving, crying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
The 23rd will be spent with Chase's Mom, The 24th with his Dad (and the Broncos! GO DENVER!), and the 25th with my family. We also always spend New Years Eve with his Dad. I love this time of year!

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
It never ceases to amaze me that love continually grows.

23. How many one night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?
Dr. Phil, The Lying Game, Hart of Dixie, New Girl, Glee, One Tree Hill, Parenthood.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
I have been a slacker when it comes to reading this year. I did read The Help though, and loved it.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Christina Perri

28. What did you want and get?
Chase's truck, a new tv, vacation, a few new lenses, studio equipement

29. What did you want and not get?
A puggle. A 2013 Hyundai Genesis Coupe. In lime green.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Not Breaking Dawn. That's for sure.

Harry Potter I think.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Chase and I spent it together in Grand Lake. We relaxed, shopped, ate, and just spent time together.

32. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Everything happens for a reason. I'm okay with where I am at.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I've gotten a little more 12ish lately with my tights, sweater dresses and headbands.

34. What kept you sane?
Slacker and Steve, Facebook, DragonFly, Dr Phil, Baths, Sleeping, Shopping days with my friends

35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Tim Tebow!!!!!!!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ugh.

37. Who did you miss?
My sister. Arizona.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ohhh - so many! I love that I've developed friendships with so many of my clients this year! It's awesome!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I get knocked down, but I get up again - ain't never gonna keep me down!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, yeah, you stand.

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place." Rascall Flats, Stand

Another Update

Okay, so here's life lately in a nutshell -

Chase and I spent our anniversary/my birthday weekend in Grand Lake. The weather was suppose to be beyond crappy, but we spent the whole weekend outside and were very pleased with the fact that we stayed *mostly* dry. It was pretty much an amazing weekend - we had so much fun. Perhaps a later blog post just about that with pictures (including Chase's prized pictures of his male moose who he chased around the yard with my camera at 9PM). I got to take pictures of a waterfall...which...embarrassing to say, but it's the first time I've really been able to do that. I was super excited. I'm still pretty excited. I wish I had more walls in my house because I want to print a huge one of one of them.

Hunter (and the dogs) spent the weekend with my parents. They came home spoiled. They always do.

I permed my hair. It's not really curly. It's also not really straight. On day 2, I'm still liking the change. It's less work, and is sorta fun. Chase likes it also. Hunter does not.

We're waiting impatiently for Chase to be able to actually launch his business. It's a lot of politics at this point. Politics and meetings that seem to keep getting pushed back. Hopefully soon.

Chase has exciting things happening at RE/MAX. That's about all I can say about that.

I've booked a TON of sessions lately. I'm actually a bit nervous for the coming month because it's going to be a bit crazy. I'm excited nervous though - this is totally what I've been waiting for!

My sister comes 2 weeks from today. I'm more than a little excited about that.

Hunter's driving me crazy today - he does that. Most of the time, he's pretty cool and fun. Today though, he's sort of heading down Whine Ave.

I bought a new lens. It's a little bit different from what I'm used to, but I'm adjusting and am happy.

That's enough for today!

Another Stream of Consciousness

I really liked doing stream of consciousness writing back in high school. That's why it's taken over my blog lately. Plus, it's just easy to get it all out at once without thinking about trying to be too organized.

Summer is totally the epitome of my life. I love summer more than I can express in words. And then I remembered...now, I'm a Mom. Hunter's not going to be in school for 3 hours a day anymore. Uhm. What I am going to do now? When am I suppose to go to the gym? Play Sims 3? Take a nap? Oh man, summer might suck!

No, I'm mostly kidding. I'm excited to do fun things with Nutty this summer. He's stoked to hang out at the pool, ride around in his jeep, play baseball, take gymnastics lessons (again), go to the park, the zoo, and hang out with friends we haven't seen in awhile. I just don't know how I'm going to handle not having "me" time anymore - I've gotten a little spoiled I guess!

I planted tomatoes. I'm documenting their journey through photos. They will be ready to go outside in a few days. They are my new babies, and I love them a lot. I hope my nurturing gives does them well!

I did my playgroup photo event on Saturday. It went really well. I had a ton of fun, and got some great shots. You can see them here: http://www.innovativeimage.org/?page_id=3933. Notice the new format of my gallery? Yea, I was really excited about that. I HATED my old galleries, so I'm stoked to have a new one.

I'm going to buy a new lens and new flash soon. I can't wait. I feel like all this photo stuff is kinda starting to come together. Thanks Canon 50D and my wonderful husband for letting me buy it.

We still have two frogs. I just thought it was important to let everyone know that I have not killed them yet. Hmm...speaking of frogs, I should probably feed them.

My best friend in the entire world just graduated with her degree in Radiology. I am SO proud of her.

My husband surprised me with a date night last week. We went to Jimmy Johns, which is my favorite place in the world, followed by a "Movie and Martini" at The Wildlife Experience. We saw the original Indian Jones. It was such a fun night, and I'm thankful Chase loves me enough to want to surprise me with nights out during the middle of the week.

Glee time!

Stream of Consciousness Update

Hunter has been doing super well at school. Each day, his teachers tell us how proud of him they are. He is talking up a storm, volunteering, helping, and being a great little man. We're totally thrilled with his behavior at school! Next year, he will switch not only teachers and classrooms, but schools as well. Hunter tends to take awhile to "warm up" to new situations, so we might be starting back at square one, but we're already discussing the changes with him and drive by his new school several times a week so he can see it.

Speaking of proud, I'm proud of our dogs. The other day, I let them out on the porch while I made lunch. Usually within a minute or two, Miley is ready to come in and will bark to let me know. Well, 15 minutes later, she still was not barking, so I went to check on them. The gate was WIDE open and the dogs were gone! I was freaked out as we are in pretty close proximity to two busy roads. I called for them, and they were right around the corner and came running back at full force. So proud they didn't run off.

I'm sick today. And yesterday. And Wednesday too for that matter. It's just a throaty cold I think - my voice is gone. I'm sure Chase loves that.

I took part of a senior photo fair at my old high school the other day. Some perks of being "in" with the yearbook staff meant I got to go for free, which was exciting. Free advertising is the best kind. Anyways, I had a pretty good response I think and am excited about extending my photography into more seniors this year.

Oh, and, I might be able to speak with their yearbook staff next year on turning photography into a career, which would be cool.

I (well, we as a family, but mostly me) have started sponsoring (okay, sort of sponsoring) a child from Ethiopia. Kongit is a 13 year old girl. I just sent her my first letter the other day. I've always wanted to do something like this and finally found Compassion International. I hope we can keep in touch with Kongit until she's 18 and "out of the program." I'm really excited to get a letter back from her!!

Chase and I are taking part of a HUGE playgroup anniversary party next week. They are expecting over 100 people. I'm going to take candids of the kids playing around and the families enjoying the sun (hopefully!). Later, the families will have the ability to purchase the photos from me, and to sign up for discounted sessions. I have a pretty big feeling it's going to go really well. I'm very excited about it.

Chase got an idea for a new window site. He has a feeling it's going to go really really well. I'm crossing my fingers for him because that's about all the support I can offer him as what he does is totally above my head.

More on Hunter...his talking has increased by leaps and bounds. He doesn't really know how to be quiet anymore. He is constantly making up songs, asking to call people on the phone, asking me questions, telling me what I'm wearing and what the weather is like and telling me all the places he needs to go (the zoo, Monkey Bizness, Taco Bell, Jimmy Johns, Saxon's house, Grandma's house, Gami's house, Opa's house, gymnastics, swimming pool, the grocery store, the dog food store, the gym).

The other day, a friend posted a blog on Out of the mouths of Moms. That night, Chase told Hunter at dinner "Nut, bacon doesn't sit."

Yesterday, Hunter was talking to me (nonstop of course) about something in the car. His friend, Saxon, wanted to tell me something and Hunter says "Wait Saxon! I'm talking to my Mommy!"

Hunter's been on a sandwich kick. He wants either PB&J or Grilled Cheese EVERYDAY.

Right now, Hunter is telling me it's snowing. I refuse to get up and acknowledge him because I refuse to acknowledge that it might possibly very well be snowing. We're ready for summer!

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week. (http://www.mycharmingkids.net/)

*I so didn't leave a load of laundry in the washer for three days so that yesterday I would have to waste energy, soap and water to re-wash what was in there. I am far more responsible than that.

*I totally haven't bribed my son with everything under the sun for the last 5 days trying to get him to use the potty. I am a much better parent than one who uses every form of bribery to try and see some success. P.S. The bribery is not working.

*My son has not sat on the potty for 45 minutes at a time just to get off, put on his underwear and IMMEDIATELY pee in them. Nope, my son really wants to use the potty and is super excited about it and would never do something like that.

*I did not just give into my son's request to have a Rice Krispie treat at 8AM this morning so I could write this post/edit a shoot from yesterday in some sort of peace. I am much better at micromanaging, multi-tasking and being a Mom.

*I did not write this post at 8AM this morning and then refresh MckMama's page every 2 minutes to see when her Not Me Monday post would be posted. Nope, I am certainly not that obsessive, nor am I procrastinating editing pictures every single time I refresh her page.

Well, that's it for me today. What have you not done lately?