Monday, March 25, 2013

Getting There...

Although it was over six years ago, I clearly remember at this point of time in my pregnancy with Hunter that I was terrified. Terrified I would fail as a Mom, that having a baby would be harder than I imagined. Terrified that a baby would tear Chase and I apart. Physically, I felt pretty good in my pregnancy. I had the minor aches and pains, but the worst of it was the very temporary charlie horses I would wake up with in the middle of the night. Emotionally, I was just terrified that I would screw up being a Mom. I was only 20. Chase was 22. Our relationship was fairly new in the fact that although we had been dating on and off since I was 16, we had only recently started living together and had taken our relationship to that next level. We were still both immature in a lot of ways, had a lot of selfish teenage tendencies and were still trying to figure out how to best make "us" work. 

Fast forward six years. Being a parent came naturally to both Chase and I, and I feel like we've done an excellent job with Hunter so far. He's a great kid. Everyone loves him. He's always been "easy." Our most serious problems usually come at dinner time when he fidgets around and doesn't want to eat his food. Wow. Tough one, right?? Our relationship currently feels so stable to me that if our entire world got knocked around, we would still pull through just fine. We are in a much different place this pregnancy. Financially, we are good. Emotionally, we are good. Our life as a family of three has been pretty easy for the past several years. We have 28 days until Ayla gets here (hopefully less!!!) and I'm not at all scared of adding her to our family. In my head, I picture her being just as easy as Hunter. She will come, we will adapt, and life will go on, only now we will have a beautiful little girl to tote around with us on our off road trips as well. 

Chase keeps telling me to expect the worst. Expect her to cry constantly. Expect her to be difficult. Expect that she will be the exact opposite of all things Hunter was and give us a run for our money. Expect that she will show us that in fact, we aren't really good parents...we've just gotten really lucky so far. His motto is prepare for the worst, hope for the best. It's probably a good motto...but I'm just stuck in my little fantasy world that she's going to be perfect and easy just like her brother. I know. I'm probably screwed. But I'll stay in my fantasy - I happen to like it! :)

She's already given me a run for my money - this pregnancy has been rough. This has no doubt been the hardest 8 months of my life. Constant nausea. Constant pain. A variety of drugs keep me eating - but they don't seem to do much else. It's been a rough road. But we're getting there. I'm desperately hoping that my "rough pregnancies" make "easy babies." I guess we have 28 days (or less!!!) until we find out if she has the calm, easy going disposition of her brother, or if she's going to add to our grey hairs! :) Wish us luck!