Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married...

I'm excited! The whole point of this blog entry is to say I'm excited!

We're really starting to put together all the details for our wedding. I did accept the job with Farmer's, but told them I would probably start after the holidays. I wanted to give myself a few months to have my nanny job, do the photo shoots I already have lined up, and to get as much wedding stuff done as possible!

Obviously, the wedding stuff is what I'm excited about! We really started to put some stuff together last weekend -- our "Save the Dates" are complete and will be going out soon! I have a ton of ideas for the "little details" of our wedding, and have actually begun to gather the supplies to put it all together!

This weekend, the boys in my family are going deer/elk hunting. I'm excited for Chase's first hunting trip (even though I despise hunting and generally turn into a vegetarian for about a week after each trip), but more than that, I'm excited that I get to spend the weekend at my mom's with her, Mandy and Shawna putting together wedding ideas! I think we're going to do our card box, flower girl basket, ring bearer pillow and possibly start on our place cards and programs. I know we still have months to go, but again, I'm trying to get as much in place as possible so that when I start my new job I have less on my plate and won't be stressing about all the wedding things I need to accomplish!

Chase is less than thrilled about all this going on, and how I've turned our kitchen table into a craft zone - with magazine pages and fabric swatches littering the area. I don't think he quite understands it -- just like how I don't quite understand why he would want to go shoot a poor little deer.

The good news is...I'm excited!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Time will tell

I've got a lot of things on my plate today -- not only today, but in October, and, well, in the next year, and maybe the next rest of my life. Today is a day of work, as will the next, and the next. I feel I need to take a few minutes though and write my feelings so that maybe someday when Hunter reads this, he will know the process of my decisions and how I'm trying to do what is best for our family. I hope he does not see me as selfish or uncaring. I hope he does not get angry at me for leaving him. I hope he can understand.

I decided to take a job with Farmer's Insurance Group. It's more than a job really, it's my own business. I'm in charge of making it grow, or letting it fail and it scares me so incredibly much to have that power when I have so little experience. They see potential in me though, and I know I have plenty of potential to give...but I'm so fearful of having it fail. At first, I have to struggle with my day to day routines that I currently do while trying to build up my business. I need to get some income generated while doing what I do already -- nannying twice a week, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and most importantly, caring for Hunter, Jetta and Miley. Eventually, when the pace picks up due to some income growth, Hunter will need a caregiver -- either a school type environment several days a week, or a nanny coming to our home and caring for him.

In the next few weeks, my biggest concentration is going to be getting myself relicensed. I originally though I have up to 6 weeks to do that, but, they want it done asap -- in a matter of 2 weeks or less. I ordered my first study materials this morning, and have already dived right in relearning the vocabulary I once took 3 months to learn. On top of that, I start my nanny job next Wednesday, and have photo shoots lined up every weekend this month.

Right now, I need courage, strength, wisdom, and encouragement. Right now I need to know that I CAN and WILL acomplish everything on my plate, do it to the best of my ability, and become a shining star in this new business opportunity. I have never had a job that I failed at -- in fact, I always do shine. I am always loved by my employers, and have always strived far above what they expected of me. I have gained so much through this -- knowledge, leadership, and a great sense of maturity for my age. As I approach what may be the biggest challenge in my life I need to use everything I have been given, and everything I have earned and put it into creating a stable future for my family. I can do this, and I will do this. I will succeed at it. I will put every waking moment into creating a future in which Hunter will someday be thankful for.

...Just let me get through today first.