New Moon. Gag me.

*SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT* This blog entry contains many details of New Moon. If you haven't seen the movie and are planning to, I would stop reading now.

Chase and I saw New Moon yesterday. I'll start this out by saying I disliked Twilight. In fact, I watched it the other night in preparation for New Moon, and was so disgusted, I had to turn it off and watch it over a 3 night time period. I would love to discuss why I hated Twilight, but, they are the same reasons why I disliked New Moon...

I don't know why this is in the middle of my blog. It's broken. Eventually I'll figure out how to fix it...

Okay. First the positive...I loved this part of New Moon...

Hot! I used to love Taylor Swift. Now, I'm just downright envious....

I actually really liked all the werewolf scenes. If you removed Bella.

Moving on..

1. Kristin Stewart can't act to save her life. She's not a believable Bella. The only part of her that I feel sorry for is for the fact that she's an actress who can't act. Eventually, her career will run out. At least, her starring role career. D-List actress coming you're way.

2. The vampires are not beautiful. Not even in the slightest. In fact, Edward usually looks like he's about to lose his lunch. Rosalie is so far from what a normal person might consider beautiful that it almost makes me want to lose my lunch. And what's with her hair? Jasper pretty much looks like death walking. He's pretty frightening...but not in a good, beautiful way. More of a "I think I just saw a ghost" way.

3. Edward looks like's 23. Or 28. Not 17. Not even close. He's also not a very believable teenager. In fact, none of the Cullens are. You would think with all their practice they would be experts. They are not. If I was the principal of Forks High School, I would have kicked them out the day after they started. I did like Emmett in New Moon though. Mostly because he picks Bella up and swings her around - I'm just a fan of swinging around in general.

4. I almost *almost* wish I could watch New Moon again so I could count how many times we pan in on someone's face and hold it there for way too many seconds. I could probably count Edward's nose hairs if I had the fantasies some girls do about Edward and wanted to do so. Pan in on someone's face once, twice, heck even three times, and call it artistic. Do it 745 times, and you could call it obnoxious, annoying, and a waste of valuable movie space.

5. The story line in the books is pretty good. Enough to make you keep reading. Obviously the writing is mediocre at best, but, I'll give it to Stephanie Meyer since she never really set out to be a writer. And it's written for teenagers, so whatever. The story line in the movie almost makes you want to take a nap. It starts out slowly, but, as soon as it catches up and starts to pretend to be a movie, the acting turns so outrageously ridiculous that it does almost just make you want to close your eyes. If you've read the book, the movie you could make in your head would be better if you had any sort of imagination.

6. They left out the whole imprinting thing. Whatever. Fine. Not a big deal in New Moon. But once they have to introduce it for Breaking Dawn, I have a feeling it's going to go downhill really quickly for non-readers. And if they don't ever introduce it...well, that 4th movie is really gonna suck...

7. Edward also can't act. Not only does he look like a stone wall (I get it, he's hard as stone, he's a vampire, ya di ya di ya da), but his emotions are about as stone wall as can be. When he leaves Bella, his emotion seems to be "Now I'm leaving you. Adios." When he sees her again (and shes's ALIVE, YAY!) his emotion seems to be "Hey there. Ready to go to school?" Because his face is the same as that as when he picks her up for school in Twilight. LAME.

A few more things that I liked...

* The scene of Bella running into Volterra. With all the red capes. But, given the details in the book and that would have been pretty simple for a director to set up. I think I just like red which is why I liked that scene.

*Edward wasn't in a lot of this movie. That was refreshing as like I've mentioned before, he's totally not believable and I really don't get how people are in love with Edward. I could get Robert Pattinson, because he's eh-okay, but Edward? Really? With his horrible make up job where his neck is sometimes 6 shades darker than his face? It makes me want to puke, not warm up inside with butterflies.

*We saw it before 2012, which just made 2012 that much more better. Also totally overdone, but, in a much cooler way than New Moon.

Overall, I feel like New Moon is just an excuse to pile thousands of teenage girls into a theater to fawn over Edward and Jacob. It's never going to be "epic" and someday, if Hunter's kids ever pick up this movie, they are going to watch it and go "really?? People liked that junk?" During the movie, I actively considered the fact that perhaps I didn't like the movies because I had a *better* idea of what they should have been in my mind. That thought vanished when my husband (a non-reader) turned to me and said "This movie sucks." Yup, honey, it does. Sorry.

And yes, we'll go see Eclipse. Because I always have hope. But, I think I will always feel like they took what could have been an epic, timeless masterpieces and turned it into a teenage fawn fest.