My Ayla Kristeen

Two weeks ago, right now, I was sitting in a labor and delivery prep room with my husband. I was only freaking out slightly at this point. My blood pressure had finally dropped back down. My contractions were coming every few minutes and getting more and more painful, but that was the last thing on my mind. All I could think about was that my Ayla was coming...and soon!! 

Our birth story starts a few days earlier in my opinion - on Sunday night. After getting Hunter to bed, like our normal routine, Chase and I went into our room and sat down and just chatted about whatever was on our mind. That night, Chase was telling me about his upcoming week at work - how crazy it was going to be trying to get a everything he needed to get done by the end of month wrapped up so that he could spend time with me and Ayla after she was born. Although I had been desperate for her to have an early arrival due to how sick I had been, and how much pain I was in - I decided then that I could make it 7 more days. It was only 7 days. I had made it so far - 7 days seemed like nothing. I was just going to try and enjoy my last week ever of being pregnant. I'm pretty sure Ayla heard us talking.

On Monday around noon, I started having regular, painful contractions. They were 10-15 minutes apart, and gradually moved into my back. I was in quite a bit of pain for the rest of the day - nothing would make the contractions go away, but, they never got any closer together. I finally went to bed around 10PM. The next few hours, I was constantly getting up to go to the bathroom. I just kept feeling like I was "leaking" - but only a tiny bit. Around 3AM, I woke up and had bad cramping. It was consistent though and wouldn't go away. I got up and hung out on the computer for awhile. At one point during the early morning hours, I felt like I all of a sudden was "leaking" A LOT. So I got up and ran to the bathroom - a gush of fluid came out - but quite honestly, I had no idea if my water had broken, or if I was just peeing and no longer had any control over my bladder. I was totally confused! The cramping was still consistent - just a constant, dull, pain. No time-able contractions to be found. 

I had a doctor appointment that morning at 9:30, so I decided just to wait until then and get checked out. Our morning continued as normal - getting Hunter up and ready for school. There was a snow storm the night before, so we had a few inches of snow to deal with as well. Lots of fun clearing off your car while you are in labor ;) - I was really missing a garage that morning! Or at least the covered parking spot I always leave for Chase. 

I got into the doctor about 20 minutes early - I had given myself plenty of time to get there with the snow. I told my nurse right when I got in that I thought my water might have broken, but I wasn't sure, and she took me back right away to get checked. My doctor came in immediately. I started to wonder why I didn't tell them my water had broken every week - the lack of waiting was super nice!! My doctor did an quick test to test the PH levels right in the exam room - he told me it was negative - but he was going to go look at it under the microscope to make sure. I started to calm down slightly as I was pretty worked up before that. I thought to myself "oh okay, good. We still have a week. We're good." My doctor left to go do his testing. I sat, texting Chase updates and waiting for him to come back to do our "normal" appointment routine. 

A few minutes later, I heard my doctor start to talk to his scheduling lady. I wondered to myself why he was talking to her. I couldn't really make out what he was saying, so I just sat there with my ear glued to the door - finally I heard him say "Holly Anderson" and I FREAKED out. My heart rate sky rocketed. All of a sudden, I was no where near ready to have a baby. He came back in to tell me and then quickly left to keep trying to schedule my CSection. My nurse came back in and took my blood pressure again seeing how I was freaking out. She tried to get me to relax. Ha. Good luck with that. I kept texting Chase. 

They decided on a 12:30 CSection since I had been smart enough to not eat or drink anything that morning. It was 9:30. 3 hours. Holy crap. 3 hours. My nurse walked me over to labor and delivery and turned me over to the nurses. I was still freaking out. They took me into a prep room to wait. I was still freaking out. I called my parents and arranged things so they could go pick up Hunter from school. I called Chase's Mom. And then I kept freaking out. 

Chase arrived really quickly, and just having him there calmed me immensly. I was able to relax a bit and finally got my blood pressure down :). The next couple of hours were mixed with answering texts and phone calls, answering questions from the nurses and doctors, getting prepped and having the vein in my hand blown out and waiting. Oh - and watching Chase eat in front of me. Twice. Thanks babe. 

 12:30 rolled around pretty quick, and I started freaking out again. :). They came and got me and rolled me to the OR. At some point, we dropped Chase off to wait until I was prepped in the OR. Watching him walk away immediately caused me to panic again. I knew legally he couldn't stay with me, but I would have paid any amount of money at that point if they had let him...I was a basket case without him. They got me in the OR, did the spinal and quickly got to work on getting everything going. My anaesthesiologist continually asked me if I was doing okay. I continually told him "yea, I'm just freaking out. I need my husband."  I was biting the inside of my lip like crazy - it took a full week to heal that wound. I went from being incredibly nervous, panicky, and anxious to a total calm state. Ahhh - thank goodness for whatever drug the good doctor put into my IV to get me to stop gnawing off the inside of my lips. FINALLY, Chase arrived. I didn't even really care about anything after that point. 

The surgery seemed quick and easy. It is pretty crazy to be awake, and feel that they are cutting, digging, and pushing around your insides, but not have any pain from it whatsoever. The lights above me were reflective and if I looked up, I could see exactly what was going on - although I tried to advert my eyes for the most part. Eventually they announced that they were about ready to pull her out and out came Chase's cell phone (ugghhhh...) and I looked back into the lights to see if I could see her. And then there she was. She didn't cry right away and I remember asking over and over again "Why isn't she crying? Why isn't she crying?" but no one was listening to me...and then she screamed and it was all good! A nurse brought Ayla over to see me and she was so completely gorgeous - amazing how it's so easy for Mom's to look right past all the blood and goo and just see a perfect baby. She was crazy beautiful! They took her off to get her wrapped up and Chase followed, but they brought her back to me all bundled up really quickly and I was able to hold her. I know I kept thinking I was going to drop her because my arms seemed so awkward, but, she fit in them perfectly. They let me hold and stare at her for a few tear filled minutes. I had waited SO long for her - it was amazing having her in my arms. Everything felt right with the world right then. 

The nurse came back to take her after a little bit to clean her up, and Chase left with them. But I finally was content with him going and stayed calm. 

It seemed to take them forever to get my tubes tied - my doctor told me when he had each side done and then I would ask "Are you sure you did it right?!?" He must have thought I was hilarious. My anaesthesiologist started telling a story about a time when his son got hurt and there was blood all over the house, which prompted me to tell them the story of Miley's happy tail and my recent experience of coming home to a house looking like a murder scene. What an odd thing to discuss while you are being operated on...

Eventually, everything was finished and they wheeled me into a recovery room where I waited for Chase and Ayla to come back. That part took forever - I now know Chase was busy showing her off to the world - but at the time, I wondered what was going on, what was taking so long, was she okay? Finally they came to see me and we were able to do skin on skin and try our first attempt at feeding. 

After another hour or so, they wheeled me off to my room where my parents and Hunter were waiting. Hunter got to hold Ayla right away - watching him with his new little sister - totally in awe of her - just melted my heart. All of a sudden - our family of four was complete and everything was perfect in my world. 

I've done a lot of complaining over the past 9 months (just ask my husband...). Pregnancy is not an enjoyable journey for me - but now that we're almost done (11 days!!!), I wanted to write down all the things I've been thankful for (in no particular order...)

My husband. See the part above about me complaining. Through it all, Chase remained positive and supportive. In the beginning, when I was so weak and dehydrated - he brought me whatever food I asked for (countless Otter Pops in most cases), rubbed my back as I threw up even when I tried to push him away,  and told me over and over again that I could and would get through it. As I was able to hold more food down, the hip pain quickly settled in and he continuously told me to get off my feet while he took care of the household tasks, gave me massages every night, normally without being asked, and helped me stand up and steady myself every time I needed. The further along we got in the pregnancy, the worse things have gotten, and although I know it can not be easy for him to go to work all day and then come home and deal with me and my ball of complaints, he just gives me hugs and holds me when I cry and reminds me that I've already gotten through so much and how it's almost over. I'm eternally grateful for him and the love, support, and dedication he has shown me through this journey.

My son. August was a month full of changes for me - but for Hunter as well! We went from being by each others sides through most of every day, to him starting Kindergarten full time. He also dealt with losing some of his closest friends as we stopped nannying and finding out he was going to be a big brother. All in a matter of weeks. And yet...he has dealt with it all far better than I could have imagined. He loves school, and excels there. His teachers (like most people we come across) love him. At home, he is helpful, sweet and understanding. During those early months, he took care of me far more than I took care of him....joining right along with his Dad to bring me food in bed and tell me how much he loved me and that it was okay that he was taking care of himself. He has grown tremendously in the past year, and I am so proud of the "big boy" he is becoming. I can not wait to watch him with his sister...

Our families. The support they have shown us has been tremendous - although I expected no less knowing who they are. We are so blessed and lucky to have them - for our kids to have such wonderful grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

My friends. Specifically the two who always tried to keep me laughing and smiling. For all the support through tears that sometimes seemed constant. For giving me permission to cry. For continuously checking in on me to make sure I was okay. They helped to keep me on the outskirts of depression rather than in the middle of it - and I'm forever grateful to that!

My clients. Giving up parts of my business was, and still is a big struggle for me. I'm thankful for all the clients who have become friends who supported me through this. I'm thankful for all of their support and understanding, as well as their dedication to me. I'm thankful for all the people who have inquired about when I will be back and have started setting up summer sessions - letting me know that they will still be around when I come back.

My doctor and his staff. They gave me a safe place to fall. In the beginning, my nurse called me every day to see how I was doing - she went above and beyond what I would have ever expected. My doctor called me to make sure I was okay. When I broke down sobbing in his office, he hugged me and told me it would be okay. He understood what I was going through. He never tried to minimize it. I'm really thankful for that...

Zofran, B6, Unisom, Reglan. Progesterone.  Drugs that kept me from being hospitalized  Drugs that kept me going. Drugs that kept Ayla alive. I am not a "pill popping" person. I dislike taking anything not deemed necessary on a regular basis, let alone during pregnancy...but my regime of drugs is what continues to get me through. Zantac has also been a good one lately :). I just wish they were a little bit cheaper ;).

Otter Pops. When all else failed, I could almost always hold down at least part of an Otter Pop. Being able to get hydration from them during the early months kept me from having to get IVs.

The tree at Hunter's bus stop. Early in the fall, our HOA guys cut half of it, leaving me a nice stump that is waist high to sit on every day while I wait for Hunter. It seems like a silly thing to be thankful for - but on the days where I can barely hold myself up, the stump does it for me, and I'm thankful or that.

Hunter's teachers. My involvement in Hunter's school isn't even sort of what I imagined it would be. I chose my job with the understanding and intention that I could spend a good amount of time in the classroom helping out and be active and involved in Hunter's education. In reality, I haven't spent a second volunteering - and I feel incredibly bad about that. But I also know that Hunter's teachers are wonderful, are doing a great job, and have provided him with the tools to succeed when I haven't been able to.

My Facebook Birth Club. A bunch of hormonal, pregnant girls all due about the same time as me! Having others know what I'm going through and being able to complain and get support from them is wonderful. And knowing that I'm not alone in my struggles! I'm thankful for the friendships that have been built, and all the healthy babies that are arriving each week!

And last...but certainly not least...Ayla. She is certainly not the nicest baby to ever exist in a womb, but she is mine, and through all the pain, discomfort, nausea, vomiting, and overall suffering that being pregnant with her has caused, I'm thankful that I am being blessed with her - that she is mine, and I have been able to be on this journey. We didn't know that it would happen...I feared we would lose her before we knew she even existed...but her and I are fighters and we've come a long way together already. I'm excited for her future and to get to know my daughter.

Getting There...

Although it was over six years ago, I clearly remember at this point of time in my pregnancy with Hunter that I was terrified. Terrified I would fail as a Mom, that having a baby would be harder than I imagined. Terrified that a baby would tear Chase and I apart. Physically, I felt pretty good in my pregnancy. I had the minor aches and pains, but the worst of it was the very temporary charlie horses I would wake up with in the middle of the night. Emotionally, I was just terrified that I would screw up being a Mom. I was only 20. Chase was 22. Our relationship was fairly new in the fact that although we had been dating on and off since I was 16, we had only recently started living together and had taken our relationship to that next level. We were still both immature in a lot of ways, had a lot of selfish teenage tendencies and were still trying to figure out how to best make "us" work. 

Fast forward six years. Being a parent came naturally to both Chase and I, and I feel like we've done an excellent job with Hunter so far. He's a great kid. Everyone loves him. He's always been "easy." Our most serious problems usually come at dinner time when he fidgets around and doesn't want to eat his food. Wow. Tough one, right?? Our relationship currently feels so stable to me that if our entire world got knocked around, we would still pull through just fine. We are in a much different place this pregnancy. Financially, we are good. Emotionally, we are good. Our life as a family of three has been pretty easy for the past several years. We have 28 days until Ayla gets here (hopefully less!!!) and I'm not at all scared of adding her to our family. In my head, I picture her being just as easy as Hunter. She will come, we will adapt, and life will go on, only now we will have a beautiful little girl to tote around with us on our off road trips as well. 

Chase keeps telling me to expect the worst. Expect her to cry constantly. Expect her to be difficult. Expect that she will be the exact opposite of all things Hunter was and give us a run for our money. Expect that she will show us that in fact, we aren't really good parents...we've just gotten really lucky so far. His motto is prepare for the worst, hope for the best. It's probably a good motto...but I'm just stuck in my little fantasy world that she's going to be perfect and easy just like her brother. I know. I'm probably screwed. But I'll stay in my fantasy - I happen to like it! :)

She's already given me a run for my money - this pregnancy has been rough. This has no doubt been the hardest 8 months of my life. Constant nausea. Constant pain. A variety of drugs keep me eating - but they don't seem to do much else. It's been a rough road. But we're getting there. I'm desperately hoping that my "rough pregnancies" make "easy babies." I guess we have 28 days (or less!!!) until we find out if she has the calm, easy going disposition of her brother, or if she's going to add to our grey hairs! :) Wish us luck! 

Not so sure about Sparkle anymore...

Our family awoke this morning to a pretty awful surprise from Sparkle. Fully recovered from his drinking binge, it seemed Sparkle notched up his creativity a bit after (assumingly) witnessing our family watching a Whale Wars rerun yesterday. To say we were shocked to witness his latest shenanigans was an understatement. We just weren't sure what to do. It's been hours now, and we still haven't showered...hoping perhaps Sparkle will clean up this little mess on his own...

http://www.babyrabies.com/2012/11/inappropriate-elf-contest-2012/ 

The wrong elf?!?

Elf on a Shelf arrived at our house this year. The first day, he was sitting with his book on our shelves near our tv. We saw him, read the book, and discovered who he was. First of all, we discovered that he was really a she! We saw that she had earrings, lipstick, curly eyelashes! My son, Hunter, named her Sparkle.

The next day, we came downstairs to find Sparkle hanging upside down from our blinds! Sparkle loved acrobatics it seemed. Hunter had some reservations about Sparkle that day. He eyed her cautiously through the day, and wouldn't be left alone in the same room as her.

The following day, Sparkle was sitting way up high above our kitchen table on our lights. Again, with the acrobatics! It was on this day, in Sparkles sitting position, that I noticed she was pretty flat chested! I look closer. Sparkle was really a boy!!! My husband and I decided Sparkle must just be a cross dresser. No big deal, in our house, we don't judge! Sparkle was still welcome...by the adults. Hunter decided on this day that Sparkle was the most terrifying creature to ever exist. The 6 year old who wears Chucky masks on a frequent basis, watches movies about zombies, and talks about "blood and stuff" was freaked out over a little elf. He was so freaked out in fact, that Hunter refused to be on the same FLOOR as Sparkle without an adult present. This got to be a bit much, and Mom and Dad had to come clean about what Sparkle REALLY was. Mom thought her fun had come to an end for the year...

UNTIL the next day...it seems Sparkle overheard our conversation about his true story, and became depressed. After a day away from the house, we came home to find this...

Evidently, our cross dressing Elf was also an alcoholic suffering from depression. After a long night, seemingly drinking his blues away, we awoke the next morning to find Sparkle here:

At this point, we're feeling a little sorry for Sparkle, but still, we've all had those nights, so we decided that he could stay. Hopefully he'd swing around and start acting like a more mature elf (the kind Santa boasts about) soon. 

Stay tuned to see what comes of our family's adventure with Sparkle...

A Snapshot of our lives since August -

At the beginning of August we (and by we, I mean my husband) decided it was time to expand our family. Although I would never tell him "no" to this after craving a baby for years and having dealt with several miscarriages, it was honestly not the right time for me. I was about to quit one job and start another one (luckily, a work from home one), I was approaching one of the busiest times of the year for my photography business, and my darling son was about to start Kindergarten. Changes were already abundant in our family. I was already overwhelmed with how emotional I was getting saying goodbye to the kids I have nannied to for the past 4 years. I couldn't picture my little boy going off to kindergarten from 8:30 in the morning until 3:45 EVERY day. I was already a wreck. It wasn't the right time for me. But, evidently it was, because we got pregnant immediately.

My life was consumed with fear from the moment I knew I was pregnant - days before I ever got a positive test. I knew I wasn't imagining the symptoms. I was elated, filled with joy, excited, and feeling thankful - but I was so fearful. Terrified. The first few weeks there were our concerns over whether the pregnancy could be maintained. Blood tests every 48 hours with numbers that were rising - but not fast enough. Although I had been on progesterone since conception, we changed to a stronger formula. Numbers started increasing. Things looked good. Blood tests stopped. It seemed the pregnancy was sticking. Elation. Joy. Fear. Fear. Fear.

One of my first days pregnant, I went and reread some journal entries I had made while pregnant with my son. One of them blatantly says ":( I think my journal will eventually become a reminder of why I should never become pregnant again." 

Fear. So much fear. With Hunter, I had undiagnosed hyperemisis gravidarum (HG) which in short, is extreme morning sickness. My good days, I threw up 15 times a day. Most days were more like 30. I would go days without holding down food or liquid. I had an unsupportive doctor, was virtually alone in Texas, and kept getting told that it was "just" morning sickness. People "crackered" me constantly. No one seemed to understand that no food stayed down - least of all crackers or ginger ale. On an already thin frame, I lost 20 pounds, was put in the "underweight" category, and still got no support from my doctor. Not until I moved back to CO and found a new doctor did I realize what I had. By then, I was over the "hump" and was able to hold most of my meals down.

But I never forgot what those initial months were like. No energy, barely the ability to move, weak, and so sick. I've always been fearful that it would happen again - but with better doctor support, I felt more optimistic. But I was still fearful.

With this pregnancy, the nausea started at 5 weeks and the vomiting at 6. With a doctor plan already put in place, I was put on oral Zofran immediately. We quickly upped it to twice a day. I was also taking B6 and Unisom at night. I pretty much had to give up on my prenatals for a period of time. The funny thing about Zofran is that it is a drug that triggers your brain to NOT throw up. It does not take away any of the nausea. The truth of the matter was, I felt like crap 100% of my waking hours. But crap could get worse, and a lot of days, I felt like death. I became thankful for the "crap" days. Most days still involved throwing up multiple times - typically less than 5 though. I only had a handful of days where I threw up 10+ times. I was thankful for that too. Although there was days we discussed Zofran pumps and IVs, for the most part, I stayed hydrated enough that we were not too concerned about my actual health or the babies health.

To say that this medicated journey of HG was an improvement over the non medicated journey of HG is a HUGE understatement. But to say that it was good is just crazy. You'll probably judge me for saying this (I judge myself...) - but I know that others with HG understand - so I'm going to say it. I thought about terminating the pregnancy almost daily. I so badly wanted it to be over. I couldn't feel like that anymore. I couldn't possibly spend one more day in bed watching my life crumble away around me. I am PRO-LIFE in MANY ways. Now, the thought of abortion (for me) once again makes me cringe....but for weeks on end, it was a daily thought. Without my husband's unrelenting support, understanding and compassion, I probably would have gotten further in the process than just thinking. That makes me cry. But it is so important to say because it is how I felt every single day.

Let me just take a second to talk about my husband here. Like I said above, I don't doubt that I could not have handled this without him. He was my rock. There was never a moment that he got angry with me or upset that I was not being a wife or a mother. He brought me food when I asked but didn't push it on me, held me when I cried, told me it would be okay, and that it wasn't my fault I was so sick. Told me I was not worthless. He took care of our son, the laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping all while finding, interviewing for, and working out the logistics of a new job, while holding down his old one. He was amazing. And I am thankful for him.

I did feel like I lost control of my life completely. I still had my work from home job - but I typically only actually worked an hour or two every day. Mostly, I sat in front of my desk with my eyes closed, willing myself not to throw up. I left a few photography sessions on my calendar, but stopped booking any new sessions. And being that it was my "busy" time of year, I constantly got photography related emails and phone calls. I would ignore a lot of them for days until I would get so mad at myself for pushing away the business I worked so hard to build. And then I would reply. I hated talking on the phone - every time I opened my mouth I wondered if I would throw up. I preferred to have my lips sealed and my teeth tightly clenched. I would ignore calls from my Mom and my friends because I just didn't want to talk. I often felt depressed, alone. I cried every day - but - I tried not to because it just made me need to vomit. My house was a disaster. I don't know what my husband or son ate - but I'm pretty sure it involved pizza at least 4 times a week.

On the weekends, I would try to get out of the house with Chase. It often helped me feel a little better, and kept me in a happier state. But during the week, when I was alone - I just felt myself sink further and further into a hole. People would tell me "only a few more weeks and you'll start to feel better." That was hard because a few weeks felt like ETERNITY. I didn't even know if I wanted to survive into the next day. And although I had hope because my HG started to ease up at 16 weeks with Hunter - you just never know. Every pregnancy is different. And I couldn't comprehend feeling the way I did until April.

Luckily - around 14/15/16 weeks, the nausea did start to ease up. I started spending more time out of bed and with my family. I became more excited about the pregnancy and the baby. The depression lifted. I would go days without throwing up. I started gaining weight instead of losing.

At 18W3D today, I mostly feel good. I still feel nauseas all the time, and although I tried to wean myself off of the Zofran, it didn't work. I'll continue taking it for awhile longer. I can eat meals - sometimes I eat A LOT! But I almost always eat at least 3 meals a day. I can drink and no longer rely on Otter Pops for hydration. In fact - I can't tell you the last time I ate an Otter Pop. I lived on them for weeks. Literally. A few weeks ago, when I started coming out of my hole - my son asked me one day why I was so happy. I wasn't even that happy...I was just...up. Walking around. Helping him with homework. Talking to him. Feeling alive. It broke my heart to know that I wasn't a Mom for awhile.

I think I'm writing this because I want people to understand. HG is not diagnosed that often, but it is diagnosed. And most of those women have it SOOO much worse than I do. As a civilization, I think we're quick to judge people. So maybe this will help someone else understand. Or help someone with HG know that they are not alone. All I know is that I felt it was important to write down my story.


ETA May 2014 -

Unfortunately, HG stuck around the remainder of my pregnancy with Ayla. It was accompanied by extreme hip/joint pain that is now being linked to HG. We made it to Ayla's birth. We survived. But I had to fight and push through every day. Chase had to tell me every day that I COULD do it. That I WOULD do it. He had to remind me every day to look at how far I had already come. HG was the worst experience of my life. I continued with Zofran for the remainder of my pregnancy, and had to be put on Reglan the last 10 weeks. After the vomiting started at 6 weeks, I never took another prenatal again. A year later, when I think too much about it, or get a bit of nausea, I have panic attacks. I've spent $3K on top of the HG medical bills on dental bills to fix what HG ruined. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world - because through HG, I got my Hunter and my Ayla - but I would give anything to save another woman from going through what I went through to get their miracle.

2011

The years gone by...

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
Left the country on water (cruise), became the owner of two ferrets, helped my Mom kick cancer's butt, shot 8 weddings over the summer, bought a hat with ear flaps, went to Vegas, ran 3 miles straight, drank sweet tea vodka.

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't like New Years resolutions. No one ever keeps them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I saw so many newborns this year because of my job - some of these girls I knew before the baby, and I waited an impatiently as a new aunt for them to give birth! Closest to me was my sister-in-law who gave birth to my new niece Kinley Addison on Nov. 19th. She is such a joy to me!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I'm going to stick with my previous answer that death is not the only way to lose someone. I feel like I've dealt with loss and death way too much in the last few years and I'm hoping 2012 steers away from that trend!

I did lose my Grandmother over the summer, and Chase's Grandfather a week later. RIP.


5. What countries did you visit?
On our cruise, we went to Mexico (Cozumel), Belize (Belize City), Hondures (Roatan), and The Grand Caymans (Georgetown). It was AMAZING!


6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I would like to have clarity with what I'm going to do (career wise) when Hunter goes to kindergarten next year , a Canon 5D (one can dream...), a better way of prioritizing when family and work are colliding and a great relationship with my husband and son (we have a great family bond now, but there's always room for improvement!!).

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Always a bunch...

Feb. 5th - Got to see my good friend Grant again AND left COLD Colorado and headed to SUNNY Florida!
Feb. 6th - 13th - Carribean cruise with the Anderson Family. SO much fun, GREAT memories.
April 7th - Had a rough doctors appointment discussing the challenges of adding to our family, found out my Mom had found a lump on her breast.
April 23rd - Learned I would be an aunt again!
April 27th - Brought Ava (ferret #1) home!
May 6th - My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer
June 6th - My Mom's mastectomy
June 10th -12th - Much needed getaway with my husband to Grand Lake to celebrate our anniversary and my 25th birthday.
July 15h - Brought Lily (ferret #2) home!
July 26th - Aug 9th - My sister was in town.
Aug 21st - 26th - Vaca to Las Vegas and Lake Powell
Oct 2nd - My BFF got married!
Nov 1st - Hunter's 5th Birthday!
Nov 19th - Kinley Addison Lydick was born!

Wow, that's a lot!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The success of my business, the happiness of my marriage, the strength I continue to grow.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being too emotional about things I can not control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, luckily.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Chase's truck. He has waited for it for a long time, I was so happy we were finally able to get it for him.

Our Droids, because it helps all of my addictions grow, and my tablet for the same reason.

Our couch will hopefully be on this list - I SO very badly want a new couch!!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My mother - who's strength and courage in such a scary time was amazing and admirable. My husband for continuing to be a soft place for me to land.


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
No one.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Our cruise, our trip to Vegas/Powell, Hunter's birthday, Kinley's arrival, Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Rascall Flats, Stand


17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
I went through a lot this past year - but I think I came out of it happier and more satisfied with my life and the direction it is heading.


ii. thinner or fatter?
Thinner

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer although it certainly doesn't seem like it.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Spending time with family. They are the ones that matter most.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cleaning, editing, driving, crying

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
The 23rd will be spent with Chase's Mom, The 24th with his Dad (and the Broncos! GO DENVER!), and the 25th with my family. We also always spend New Years Eve with his Dad. I love this time of year!

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
It never ceases to amaze me that love continually grows.

23. How many one night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?
Dr. Phil, The Lying Game, Hart of Dixie, New Girl, Glee, One Tree Hill, Parenthood.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
I have been a slacker when it comes to reading this year. I did read The Help though, and loved it.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Christina Perri

28. What did you want and get?
Chase's truck, a new tv, vacation, a few new lenses, studio equipement

29. What did you want and not get?
A puggle. A 2013 Hyundai Genesis Coupe. In lime green.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Not Breaking Dawn. That's for sure.

Harry Potter I think.

31. What did you do on your birthday?
Chase and I spent it together in Grand Lake. We relaxed, shopped, ate, and just spent time together.

32. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Everything happens for a reason. I'm okay with where I am at.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I've gotten a little more 12ish lately with my tights, sweater dresses and headbands.

34. What kept you sane?
Slacker and Steve, Facebook, DragonFly, Dr Phil, Baths, Sleeping, Shopping days with my friends

35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Tim Tebow!!!!!!!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ugh.

37. Who did you miss?
My sister. Arizona.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Ohhh - so many! I love that I've developed friendships with so many of my clients this year! It's awesome!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I get knocked down, but I get up again - ain't never gonna keep me down!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hands, shake it off
Then you stand, yeah, you stand.

Every time you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place." Rascall Flats, Stand