I'm realizing....

I don't think I'm ready for our party. When I sit down and think about...we're going to have a lot of people here. I am SO excited for our entire families to meet and mingle and get to know each other, but, we probably should have done it at a park. Oh wait, it's going to be 100 tomorrow -- maybe near the AC was a good idea! Chase and I spent the evening cleaning up and preparing things, but as I sit down to write this, I can think of so many things we have yet to do. I guess that's what morning is for...

Today was fun. We celebrated Dylan and Dalton's 8th birthday party with a taco fiesta at Mike and Shawna's. The lucky twins received a Wii for their birthday, so, the water slide outside was ignored while they took turns playing Sonic (Our birthday gift!!). Hunter, on the other hand, was thrilled with the water slide, but not so thrilled to get water in his face. It was a win-lose situation as you couldn't go down the slide without at least getting SOME water on your face. I guess he takes after me with that - I hate water in my face!

After their party, I enjoyed some tapas and wine with the girls from our playgroup. It was so nice to be sans kids! I loved the conversation, and almost felt as peace with where I am in my life. They are all older than me, married, and more financially stable, but we all go through the same struggles. The struggle of whether to stay home, or go back to work. The struggle of raising a toddler, all in similar whining stages. The struggle of staying home all day, trying to be the "perfect wife/mother" all while trying to maintain some sanity and personal satisfaction. This is the best job in the world, but at times, it's very difficult, very demanding, and very stressful. I finally feel like maybe someone else actually understands what I go through as opposed to just thinking I have it made not having to work. I agree, I have it made. I wouldn't want it any other way - I love being with Hunter, it is so incredibly rewarding and I feel like I am giving him the best start to life. I guess I sort of feel like the outside world only sees the rewarding part of it...they don't pay attention to the fact that sometimes I eat chicken nuggets and Easy Mac five days a week. Sometimes, I just don't have the energy to take a shower or change out of my pajamas. Sometimes, I go to the bathroom just so I can have 30 seconds without Hunter pulling on my legs (although, he does sit outside the bathroom door poking his fingers through the crack). And sometimes, I will go a week without having an actual adult conversation about something I want to talk about!

There are days where Hunter will sleep 3 or 4 hours. Those days feel so wonderful. And contrary to what Chase thinks, I don't sit on my computer looking at my email and Craigslist all day. Some days, I do sit at my computer for those 4 hours, but I'm editing pictures, or working on my website. The rest of the days, I'm cleaning and doing laundry and making our grocery list. I admire the Mom's who do work full time, only to come home and have to do all the chores too! Sometimes, I wonder how they do it - but, then I have those days where Hunter doesn't take a nap, and I'm still stuck doing laundry and emptying the dish washer. You just suck it up and do it.

I guess overall, tonight was just a realization for me that it's okay for me to do things for myself. It's okay for me to go get some drinks with friends without Hunter by my side. It's okay for me to take a break from him, the house, pictures, everything. It's okay to give Chase the responsibility of caring for Hunter for a night - he obviously can do it. They are both still alive, and even well fed! And I'm sure they had great fun bonding without Mommy around.