Christmas - and then some.

Ah, *sigh*. Christmas has come and gone (although our Christmas festivities are still not over...). As usual, Hunter received far more than necessary, and I'm partly to blame for that I suppose. He had so much fun though. It was really great watching him get into Christmas this year. He kept saying that Santa was "scary" but, as long as Santa came when he was sleeping, he was fine with him leaving toys and eating the cookies and drinking the milk. If he happened to be here when Hunter was awake though...oh no!

Christmas Eve we celebrated with Chase's Mom with a delicious dinner of Crab legs, baked potatoes, asparagus, rolls, frog eye salad and a chocolate pie for dessert. Someday, when she sends me the pictures (or I go to her house to steal them), I will post them! She took more of Hunter opening presents than I did.

Christmas morning, we opened our gifts (at 7:30AM, this may be the last year we get up at our normal time...we shall see). Then, Chase and I made yummy strawberry crepes for breakfast. If Christmas isn't a time for stuffing your face full of fattening, delicious food, I don't know when is!

Then, we headed to my parent's house where we got together with the whole clan.

How we got this picture, I'll never know. Nutty is smiling! And no one was even taking the picture, it was on a timer. Better yet, we took 2 of them, and Nutty was smiling in both. He is so amazing when he wants to be...

Anyways, it's always a lot of fun to get all the kids together. Hunter likes to pretend he's a big kid and runs around with all the older boys. This year, they got marshmallow guns (thank you Grandma and Grandpa...), so in a very short time the house (and basement) were filled with marshmallows. The dogs must have though they were in Heaven, which is good for my dogs since they didn't get any Christmas presents...oops.

The whole night was a lot of fun though! And dinner, was, as always, delicious. And fattening. What more could you ask for??

My problem with the night came later in the evening, so this post is probably now going to take a somber, though provoking twist.

I was a little upset later on in the evening, mostly as I was trying to fall asleep and not succeeding. I kept thinking how things would be different if I had still been pregnant. I hate myself when I do this type of thinking - I think everyone does - the whole "What if" scenario. I try not too, but, sometimes I can't seem to help myself. I kept thinking of the presents we would have bought for the little nut. I wouldn't have received my wonderful Sony Reader because maybe instead, we would have bought the bedroom set with the sea turtles. Or maybe a new dresser for Nutty's room so baby could have his dresser. It was driving me crazy thinking about little baby clothes, or a new excer-saucer, or pack n play - all things we would need to buy new because I've gotten rid of Nutner's. At any rate, when I finally did fall asleep, I was sort of sad.

And then I had this dream. My grandpa, who passed away in July of 2006, was sitting in this house, holding this baby. He was in one of those huge, comfy rockers (the kind they have at Babies R Us, and you feel like you could stay in them all day.) It was white, and, sorta strange, but, there was an aura of some sort around the chair. Maybe just because it was white...but it seemed so much brighter than anything else in this house. Nothing was said...he just looked at me and smiled. And kept rocking this baby, who couldn't have been older than a month, and was wrapped tight in a white blanket (I suppose to make me not think about baby's gender and perhaps frustrate me even further). The baby was bald, or maybe just very nearly bald...I remember that clearly. My babies would never be bald...but...perhaps that one was! It gave me a sense of peace, and calmed me a bit to see this scene, and then the dream unfolded into something I don't remember.

The whole thing got me thinking though. I'm not very religious, but I have beliefs for sure. I tend to think that organized religion is a bit presumptuous in ways. Churches (and different religions) seem to be a bit cliquish (for lack of a better word.) And some (not all) seem to be judgmental of others. So at any rate, churches (and religion) aren't really my thing, although I would never dismiss someone's home of where THEY found God. Personally, I've found God in my heart, and I feel like for me and Him, that's enough. Where I'm trying to head with this though, is my idea of Heaven. I definitely believe in an afterlife - there's really no question in my mind that we were put on Earth to carry out a specific purpose, and when we're done, we get to move on into a peaceful world. I'm not sure what my *idea* of Heaven is though. Hollywood seems to get you to believe it's this big white, fluffy world in the sky, with the pearly white gates and a gate keeper. My idea (and especially after this dream) makes me think that maybe it's just like Earth...only...without the stress, chaos, etc. This house that my Grandpa was in seemed like an ordinary house, with ordinary things in it, although it was very clean, very picturesque! Like someone's house right before all the guest arrive. And there's the fact that he's holding a baby, which, I can only assume after my evening, is my baby that I don't get to have.

It really got me started thinking what if those babies - the ones all the mothers out there experienced, but, had to let go of, are in Heaven. What if the purpose of those babies was because someone in Heaven needed a baby...a mother who had been killed in a car accident and needed her babies...and that is the reason God takes babies away - both, before they are born, and after. Even children. Mothers, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, they all miss their babies on Earth, so God has given them a way to still care for a baby. Wouldn't that be...such a divine purpose for a baby a mother has had to let go of?? And then, once the baby's real mother and father have passed on, they can be reunited in Heaven and serve another purpose. What a wonderful thing that would be...

And my wondering mind took me to abortions. For all sense of purpose in this blog, I am generally very against abortion in almost all scenarios. If you are selfish enough to have sex, than you should reap the consequences. If you are not in a position to care for a baby, then, you give that baby up for adoption. My line for abortion comes from when you didn't choose to have sex, and perhaps rape was the cause of a pregnancy...that woman should be able to choose, in my opinion. Or if the doctor finds out early enough that carrying the baby is going to have a very large risk of hurting/killing the mother. My gray area to me comes from direct experience (not me, just someone I know) in where the mother is perhaps incapable of carrying a baby due to lifestyle...the mom addicted to cocaine, alcohol, heroine, or any of the multitude of drugs that could damage a baby beyond repair, and who is unwilling (or unable) to get help during her pregnancy. I don't know how I feel about that - because mostly I am uneducated about the number of couples out there who would adopt a baby with those conditions. Gray area, for sure!

That was sort of a ramble...anyways, those babies who were aborted...what is there purpose? Is is the same thing? I would like to believe so...but what about the mothers? In almost all cases, I would believe that the one who aborted that baby would have no right seeing that baby again in it's perfectness. Why should that mother who ended that baby's life be able to see that baby again?

I don't know. This was a long post, full of rambling, so if you've stuck through it with me, thank you. If you want to comment on maybe what you believe, or your thoughts on this, feel free, even if you strongly disagree! I am not one to get in religious squabbles because I do have respect for what others may believe - it is our right as people to believe what we want!