Sneaky Sneak!

Okay, okay, I know, 3 in one day...you've got to be thinking, "who took over Holly and left us with a blogoholic?" BUT THIS ONE IS FUNNY, I PROMISE!

Have you ever seen this commercial? It's hilarious...

but now, it gets even FUNNIER! The other day, I was cleaning, and Hunter kept bugging me, as usual. While cleaning, we dug up my Nintendo DS. Hunter was begggging me to play it, but I told him no (it's MINE). I told him that if he wanted to play, he needed to go find his Leapster. We put my DS away in it's case, in my bookshelf, in my bedroom, and Hunter wandered downstairs.

A few minutes later, I was cleaning the office and went to go put something in my room. I noticed the door was closed and thought "that's weird." Well, I opened it, and there's Hunter, laying on my bed, playing my DS.

It totally made me think of this commercial, and I thought I would share! That's it for today, I Promise!!

Nutner's Christmas Joys...

I suppose before we get into 2010, I should get some Christmas pictures up. There's more coming since some are on Chase's Mom's camera, and some on my Mom's new camera (Merry Christmas and Happy Photo Taking Mom!)

On Christmas Eve...

We have incredibly lazy dogs....


I really wanted Hunter to wear this hat. I love it so much, he reminds me of my Grandpa! Hunter, however, did NOT want to wear that hat for the life of him. He threw a MAJOR tantrum.


I finally convinced him that he could take the hat off if he stopped crying and took a picture. TA DA!



Gamie got him waaaay too many gifts, but, hey, he got an entire new wardrobe of adorable clothes! And who ever said they don't make cute boy clothes (oh yea...that was me...).

Christmas morning, digging through his stocking in his new "space ship" pajamas!

These next pictures were taken in succession while Hunter had this first bite of Whip Cream on Christmas morning. Chase and I made delicious strawberry crepes, but Hunter just preferred the whipped goodness of Cool-Whip!

Ta da!

The new banner and background are to gear up for my photo resolution (see post below if you're out of the loop). I've decided to name this project Life 365. I will hope you all follow along on our family's journey through photographs!

Normal blogging may take a backseat to the photos - we'll see how it goes, but, pictures are worth 1000 words, right?

And now, on to 2010..............

New Years Resolutions!!!

I totally hate new year's resolutions. I haven't really found anyone yet that's kept a serious resolution. I hate how January is the biggest sales month for fitness places, but that visitation drops significantly once Feb. hits. They should call it January resolutions as people seem to lose focus after 30 days or so...

I never make new year's resolutions...until this year. I have goals, but they are more like "life long" goals...as in, sometime in my life, I will do this or that. This year, I have a resolution though! And it's a cool one, that will effect my blog!

My resolution is to take a family photo EVERY DAY! Sick days, busy days, pajama days, vacation days, snow days, sun days, EVERY DAY! I would like to say I'll upload these pictures to my blog every day, but I just can't seem to see that one happening! I think once a week will be my goal! 2010 will be our best documented year yet!

And as far as my rules go, family photos can consist of anything our family did that day, and does not have to include all of us in it. It could just be Hunter, or just Jetta or Miley, or even just Chase or me. Just showing something that we did that day. I think I'll even go as far to say that it could even just consist of our house - a new house-hold project, or new purchase, or what not!

I challenge everyone out there to make a FUN resolution this year, and one that you might actually enjoy (and keep!)

Christmas - and then some.

Ah, *sigh*. Christmas has come and gone (although our Christmas festivities are still not over...). As usual, Hunter received far more than necessary, and I'm partly to blame for that I suppose. He had so much fun though. It was really great watching him get into Christmas this year. He kept saying that Santa was "scary" but, as long as Santa came when he was sleeping, he was fine with him leaving toys and eating the cookies and drinking the milk. If he happened to be here when Hunter was awake though...oh no!

Christmas Eve we celebrated with Chase's Mom with a delicious dinner of Crab legs, baked potatoes, asparagus, rolls, frog eye salad and a chocolate pie for dessert. Someday, when she sends me the pictures (or I go to her house to steal them), I will post them! She took more of Hunter opening presents than I did.

Christmas morning, we opened our gifts (at 7:30AM, this may be the last year we get up at our normal time...we shall see). Then, Chase and I made yummy strawberry crepes for breakfast. If Christmas isn't a time for stuffing your face full of fattening, delicious food, I don't know when is!

Then, we headed to my parent's house where we got together with the whole clan.

How we got this picture, I'll never know. Nutty is smiling! And no one was even taking the picture, it was on a timer. Better yet, we took 2 of them, and Nutty was smiling in both. He is so amazing when he wants to be...

Anyways, it's always a lot of fun to get all the kids together. Hunter likes to pretend he's a big kid and runs around with all the older boys. This year, they got marshmallow guns (thank you Grandma and Grandpa...), so in a very short time the house (and basement) were filled with marshmallows. The dogs must have though they were in Heaven, which is good for my dogs since they didn't get any Christmas presents...oops.

The whole night was a lot of fun though! And dinner, was, as always, delicious. And fattening. What more could you ask for??

My problem with the night came later in the evening, so this post is probably now going to take a somber, though provoking twist.

I was a little upset later on in the evening, mostly as I was trying to fall asleep and not succeeding. I kept thinking how things would be different if I had still been pregnant. I hate myself when I do this type of thinking - I think everyone does - the whole "What if" scenario. I try not too, but, sometimes I can't seem to help myself. I kept thinking of the presents we would have bought for the little nut. I wouldn't have received my wonderful Sony Reader because maybe instead, we would have bought the bedroom set with the sea turtles. Or maybe a new dresser for Nutty's room so baby could have his dresser. It was driving me crazy thinking about little baby clothes, or a new excer-saucer, or pack n play - all things we would need to buy new because I've gotten rid of Nutner's. At any rate, when I finally did fall asleep, I was sort of sad.

And then I had this dream. My grandpa, who passed away in July of 2006, was sitting in this house, holding this baby. He was in one of those huge, comfy rockers (the kind they have at Babies R Us, and you feel like you could stay in them all day.) It was white, and, sorta strange, but, there was an aura of some sort around the chair. Maybe just because it was white...but it seemed so much brighter than anything else in this house. Nothing was said...he just looked at me and smiled. And kept rocking this baby, who couldn't have been older than a month, and was wrapped tight in a white blanket (I suppose to make me not think about baby's gender and perhaps frustrate me even further). The baby was bald, or maybe just very nearly bald...I remember that clearly. My babies would never be bald...but...perhaps that one was! It gave me a sense of peace, and calmed me a bit to see this scene, and then the dream unfolded into something I don't remember.

The whole thing got me thinking though. I'm not very religious, but I have beliefs for sure. I tend to think that organized religion is a bit presumptuous in ways. Churches (and different religions) seem to be a bit cliquish (for lack of a better word.) And some (not all) seem to be judgmental of others. So at any rate, churches (and religion) aren't really my thing, although I would never dismiss someone's home of where THEY found God. Personally, I've found God in my heart, and I feel like for me and Him, that's enough. Where I'm trying to head with this though, is my idea of Heaven. I definitely believe in an afterlife - there's really no question in my mind that we were put on Earth to carry out a specific purpose, and when we're done, we get to move on into a peaceful world. I'm not sure what my *idea* of Heaven is though. Hollywood seems to get you to believe it's this big white, fluffy world in the sky, with the pearly white gates and a gate keeper. My idea (and especially after this dream) makes me think that maybe it's just like Earth...only...without the stress, chaos, etc. This house that my Grandpa was in seemed like an ordinary house, with ordinary things in it, although it was very clean, very picturesque! Like someone's house right before all the guest arrive. And there's the fact that he's holding a baby, which, I can only assume after my evening, is my baby that I don't get to have.

It really got me started thinking what if those babies - the ones all the mothers out there experienced, but, had to let go of, are in Heaven. What if the purpose of those babies was because someone in Heaven needed a baby...a mother who had been killed in a car accident and needed her babies...and that is the reason God takes babies away - both, before they are born, and after. Even children. Mothers, Aunts, Uncles, Grandparents, they all miss their babies on Earth, so God has given them a way to still care for a baby. Wouldn't that be...such a divine purpose for a baby a mother has had to let go of?? And then, once the baby's real mother and father have passed on, they can be reunited in Heaven and serve another purpose. What a wonderful thing that would be...

And my wondering mind took me to abortions. For all sense of purpose in this blog, I am generally very against abortion in almost all scenarios. If you are selfish enough to have sex, than you should reap the consequences. If you are not in a position to care for a baby, then, you give that baby up for adoption. My line for abortion comes from when you didn't choose to have sex, and perhaps rape was the cause of a pregnancy...that woman should be able to choose, in my opinion. Or if the doctor finds out early enough that carrying the baby is going to have a very large risk of hurting/killing the mother. My gray area to me comes from direct experience (not me, just someone I know) in where the mother is perhaps incapable of carrying a baby due to lifestyle...the mom addicted to cocaine, alcohol, heroine, or any of the multitude of drugs that could damage a baby beyond repair, and who is unwilling (or unable) to get help during her pregnancy. I don't know how I feel about that - because mostly I am uneducated about the number of couples out there who would adopt a baby with those conditions. Gray area, for sure!

That was sort of a ramble...anyways, those babies who were aborted...what is there purpose? Is is the same thing? I would like to believe so...but what about the mothers? In almost all cases, I would believe that the one who aborted that baby would have no right seeing that baby again in it's perfectness. Why should that mother who ended that baby's life be able to see that baby again?

I don't know. This was a long post, full of rambling, so if you've stuck through it with me, thank you. If you want to comment on maybe what you believe, or your thoughts on this, feel free, even if you strongly disagree! I am not one to get in religious squabbles because I do have respect for what others may believe - it is our right as people to believe what we want!

Oh Nutty...

Things Hunter has been doing lately that make me smile...

*Runs around saying "Nutner Nut" in imitation of the rapper "Flavor Flav."

*Sings "Happy Birthday to Papa" all day long.

*Instead of watching commercials and saying "I want that" he says "I have that." (Spoiileddddd)

*Asks to have pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day.

*Yells "I Love JEW" instead of "I Love You." I mean this in no disrespect to anyone of the Jewish faith...Hunter just doesn't have his "Y" sound down.

*Carries around 9 silkies, a German shepherd stuffed animal and 2 frogs everywhere he goes. He tucks them all in before bedtime.

*One day, I was doing the dishes and he wanted me to come play. I told him I was cleaning and he could go play. He said "Nutner clean, Mommy play race cars." He's so selfless!

*Says "Orange" with an English accent "Ooaaange."

*Dug out Mommy's old Cabbage Patch Doll so "Mommy could have a baby"

*Turns on the Christmas Tree first thing in the morning. Refuses to have it off at all while he's awake.

*Stares at the pictures on Mommy's facebook and categorizes them as "Mommy's friends" and "Nutner's friends." Sammy, for instance, is Nutner's friend.

*Is convinced that every pair of tennis shoes are really "football shoes."

*Demands a high five whenever people cheer on TV during a football game.

Oh there's so many more....I love this crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful beautiful life.

2009

2009!!!

I've filled out this survey for the last few years...This would be my 6th one.


The years gone by...

1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Left the United States, went through a set of emotions I've never felt before, became a SUV Mommy, took my son to preschool, got married (although one could argue that happened in 2008 as well), didn't advertise my photography business and am still having a crazy Christmas season!

2. Did you keep your New Years resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't like New Years resolutions. No one ever keeps them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Kelly had baby Jax in March, and I've seen several other babies because of photography.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Death isn't the only way to lose someone...

5. What countries did you visit?
The Dominican Republic! Whoo hoo! What a wonderful time that was for Chase and I. A much needed vacation for the two of us!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
I'd like Chase to get the promotion he wants and deserves. I want my wedding, but that's about it...maybe something else, but I'm not saying what :) <---This was last years answer. I got everything I wanted, although not quite the way I had wanted.

Next year, I want a Wii, but I'm not allowed to have one, so I'll settle for a PS3. I also hope to purchase a new camera. I'd also like to get my Real Estate License and start a career. And I'd like for my Mom to finally get her GED! Another promotion for Chase would be nice...he works so hard!

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory and why?
Always a bunch...

January 19th - I sold my beloved Galant.

Feb. 9th - I bought my new beloved Santa Fe.

May 2nd - My wonderful Mom, sister, and best friend threw me an awesome bridal shower.

June 5th - Saw the Plain White T's and got a picture with Tom. Fun!

June 11th-12th - Bachelorette Party with the girls in my life, my 23rd Bday, our rehearsal dinner

June 13th - Our wedding!!!!!

June 14th - 20th - Chase and I honeymooned in Punta Cana!

August 1st - 8th - Spent a fun week @ Lake Ozarks with Chase's family

August 3rd - My world started to crumble

August 9th - The peak of the crumbling.

Sept. 26th - Chase's 24th Bday. We had a great night together!

October 5th - Hunter's first day of school!

Nov. 1st - Hunter's third birthday! So much fun for him!

Wow, that's a lot!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finding my strength. And my Christmas cards. I love my Christmas cards. :)

I guess I should also say not advertising my photography and still booking session after session this winter.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My back still hurt through the first part of the year, but, physical therapy has helped tremendously.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Uhm...my black peacoat for $8. Or my new coat that I love! Or Hunter's birthday presents, lol. OOOOOOO, our blackberries! I love my phone!!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My parents for always being by my side no matter what happens to me, for always supporting me, and for always loving me, Chase for putting up with my emotionalism and continuing to love me unconditionally, Hunter for being a crazy, energetic, and happy little boy. Mandy for being the best maid of honor in the world, and my sister's for being wonderful bridesmaids! Hunter's speech teacher, Lauri, for helping Nutty start talking, and Josh McDaniels who is turning the Broncos around.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Does it even matter?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The Plain White T's, Our wedding and honeymoon, Hunter's birthday, Black Friday and I'm excited for Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
"Lucky" cuz it was our wedding song. We tried to dance to it the other night, but we had forgotten most of it...but I was drunk, so perhaps I'll try it sober.

"1-2-3-4" Because Chase and I sing and text that song to each other a lot.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
I'm not sure. I'm very happy, and so blessed...but life took turns this year that were unexpected and I continue to feel sadness.

ii. thinner or fatter?
Sameish.

iii. richer or poorer?
Richer although it certainly doesn't seem like it.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I'm not sure.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Cleaning, wedding crafts, Gingerbread house making.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve we will be with Chase's Mom, Christmas morning by ourselves eating crepes, Christmas afternoon at my Parent's house with my whole family (minus Dawn :(). New Years Eve will be spent with Chase's Dad's family.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?
It never ceases to amaze me that love continually grows.

23. How many one night stands?
none

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?
One Tree Hill, American Idol, House, The Hills,The City, Dr Phil, GLEE, The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders < -- Guilty Pleasure.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
Uhm, Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult...I think. I read a lot of good books this year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't know that I had one this year.

28. What did you want and get?
A wedding, A honeymoon, A Blackberry, a new car

29. What did you want and not get?
There's a reason for everything


30. What was your favorite film of this year?
NOT NEW MOON! My Sisters Keeper, or 2012 (which was way too stressful) or Harry Potter 6

31. What did you do on your birthday?
I slept in, then got up and did last minute wedding stuff. Chase came home from golfing and we did more last minute wedding stuff together. Then, we went to my parent's house, got dressed and ready for the rehearsal dinner, and then had an amazing rehearsal dinner with our friends and family.

32. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Those who know already know.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Jeans and tshirts. And my robe. And Chase's slippers.

34. What kept you sane?
Chase (although he also drives me insane), baths, reading, sleeping, shopping.

35. Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Josh McDaniels?

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Ugh.

37. Who did you miss?
My sister. Arizona.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Becky. She keeps me sane as well.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Sometimes you have to fall down in order to find your strength.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Life's a dance, you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow. It don't matter what you don't know, life's a dance, you learn as you go.

Thankful!

This Thanksgiving, I'm feeling very thankful. We had an amazing year. In no particular order..

*I'm thankful for my friends and family. Chase and I both have wonderful, amazing families who have supported us and been there for us no matter what. I will always be thankful and grateful for all of them. I am also extremely grateful for the wonderful friendships I've built over the years. I have met some amazing women, and their support and understanding has helped me out so many times. I am EXTREMELY thankful for my best friend, Mandy. She is such an amazing woman, and never fails to be there for me when I need her.

*I'm thankful for The Monks family, who have not only given me a job, but another family. I am so grateful they have let me stay through all the chaos of Hunter's school situation.

*I'm SO thankful for my wonderful husband. He is my rock, and is always ready to stand by my side. He is an amazing man, and father. Hunter and I are so lucky to have him in our lives. This year, I have felt like I've been on rock bottom, and Chase did (and continues to) build me up in every way he can.

*I'm very thankful for my parents and Chase's parents for all their help with our wedding. We couldn't have done it without them, and I am so blessed that I will always have the memories of my wonderful wedding day. I'm thankful for everyone who came to our wedding to show their support for our relationship - it meant so much to us. I'm thankful to Victoria for forever capturing our memories on the small budget I had!

*I'm thankful for Al and Brandi for giving us a wonderful honeymoon. Chase and I had never traveled alone before, and getting away together was something that was much needed. We will never forget our time in the Dominican Republic.

Again, I don't know why this keeps appearing. It's really driving me crazy...

*I'm thankful for my son. Hunter is such a fun, happy, amazing little boy. Of course I'm a little biased, but my Nutner is the best! I am also realizing how lucky we are that Hunter is such a healthy little boy. This entire year was antibiotic free, and I'm very grateful for that!

*I'm thankful for Hunter's teachers and new school friends who are expanding his world in such a positive, happy way. It's so beautiful to me that since day 1, Hunter has loved going to school.

*I'm thankful for Chase's wonderful job and coworkers. Chase got his promotion earlier this year, and we were both very grateful for his new opportunities at RE/MAX. His promotion was well earned, and we were thankful that his boss continues to see his potential.

*I'm thankful for my doggies. Sometimes, they drive me crazy. Almost every day they do something to annoy me. But, I love them so much, and my life would not be complete without them!

*I'm thankful most of those closest to me still have their jobs. My Mom did lose her job a few months ago - after 30 years of service. I'm thankful that she's seeing where other doors may lead her, and hope they lead her somewhere wonderful. She deserves it.

*I'm thankful for my Hyundai Santa Fe. It seems silly as it's such a materialistic thing, but, it makes me happier that it's so much easier to get Hunter and his friends in and out of the car. It makes me happy that I can take my dogs with me. It makes me happy that I have lots of shopping bag room!

And last but not least...

*I'm thankful for the experience I went through this year. It's showed me things about myself, and has taught me so many things. It brought so many raw emotions to the table that it really made me sit down and look at what I AM thankful for, and to realize the MANY blessings me and my family have. God would not put us through these things if He did not think we could get through them.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! GOOO BRONCOS!

New Moon. Gag me.

*SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT* This blog entry contains many details of New Moon. If you haven't seen the movie and are planning to, I would stop reading now.

Chase and I saw New Moon yesterday. I'll start this out by saying I disliked Twilight. In fact, I watched it the other night in preparation for New Moon, and was so disgusted, I had to turn it off and watch it over a 3 night time period. I would love to discuss why I hated Twilight, but, they are the same reasons why I disliked New Moon...

I don't know why this is in the middle of my blog. It's broken. Eventually I'll figure out how to fix it...

Okay. First the positive...I loved this part of New Moon...

Hot! I used to love Taylor Swift. Now, I'm just downright envious....

I actually really liked all the werewolf scenes. If you removed Bella.

Moving on..

1. Kristin Stewart can't act to save her life. She's not a believable Bella. The only part of her that I feel sorry for is for the fact that she's an actress who can't act. Eventually, her career will run out. At least, her starring role career. D-List actress coming you're way.

2. The vampires are not beautiful. Not even in the slightest. In fact, Edward usually looks like he's about to lose his lunch. Rosalie is so far from what a normal person might consider beautiful that it almost makes me want to lose my lunch. And what's with her hair? Jasper pretty much looks like death walking. He's pretty frightening...but not in a good, beautiful way. More of a "I think I just saw a ghost" way.

3. Edward looks like's 23. Or 28. Not 17. Not even close. He's also not a very believable teenager. In fact, none of the Cullens are. You would think with all their practice they would be experts. They are not. If I was the principal of Forks High School, I would have kicked them out the day after they started. I did like Emmett in New Moon though. Mostly because he picks Bella up and swings her around - I'm just a fan of swinging around in general.

4. I almost *almost* wish I could watch New Moon again so I could count how many times we pan in on someone's face and hold it there for way too many seconds. I could probably count Edward's nose hairs if I had the fantasies some girls do about Edward and wanted to do so. Pan in on someone's face once, twice, heck even three times, and call it artistic. Do it 745 times, and you could call it obnoxious, annoying, and a waste of valuable movie space.

5. The story line in the books is pretty good. Enough to make you keep reading. Obviously the writing is mediocre at best, but, I'll give it to Stephanie Meyer since she never really set out to be a writer. And it's written for teenagers, so whatever. The story line in the movie almost makes you want to take a nap. It starts out slowly, but, as soon as it catches up and starts to pretend to be a movie, the acting turns so outrageously ridiculous that it does almost just make you want to close your eyes. If you've read the book, the movie you could make in your head would be better if you had any sort of imagination.

6. They left out the whole imprinting thing. Whatever. Fine. Not a big deal in New Moon. But once they have to introduce it for Breaking Dawn, I have a feeling it's going to go downhill really quickly for non-readers. And if they don't ever introduce it...well, that 4th movie is really gonna suck...

7. Edward also can't act. Not only does he look like a stone wall (I get it, he's hard as stone, he's a vampire, ya di ya di ya da), but his emotions are about as stone wall as can be. When he leaves Bella, his emotion seems to be "Now I'm leaving you. Adios." When he sees her again (and shes's ALIVE, YAY!) his emotion seems to be "Hey there. Ready to go to school?" Because his face is the same as that as when he picks her up for school in Twilight. LAME.

A few more things that I liked...

* The scene of Bella running into Volterra. With all the red capes. But, given the details in the book and that would have been pretty simple for a director to set up. I think I just like red which is why I liked that scene.

*Edward wasn't in a lot of this movie. That was refreshing as like I've mentioned before, he's totally not believable and I really don't get how people are in love with Edward. I could get Robert Pattinson, because he's eh-okay, but Edward? Really? With his horrible make up job where his neck is sometimes 6 shades darker than his face? It makes me want to puke, not warm up inside with butterflies.

*We saw it before 2012, which just made 2012 that much more better. Also totally overdone, but, in a much cooler way than New Moon.

Overall, I feel like New Moon is just an excuse to pile thousands of teenage girls into a theater to fawn over Edward and Jacob. It's never going to be "epic" and someday, if Hunter's kids ever pick up this movie, they are going to watch it and go "really?? People liked that junk?" During the movie, I actively considered the fact that perhaps I didn't like the movies because I had a *better* idea of what they should have been in my mind. That thought vanished when my husband (a non-reader) turned to me and said "This movie sucks." Yup, honey, it does. Sorry.

And yes, we'll go see Eclipse. Because I always have hope. But, I think I will always feel like they took what could have been an epic, timeless masterpieces and turned it into a teenage fawn fest.

Hunter's Third Birthday!

Hunter's Third Birthday was a success! We started off the morning right - with a big bowl of Fruit Loops laced with M&M's....the breakfast of champions!

Then, we headed to Opa and Oma's house, where we set up for the party while watching the Broncos lose to the Raven's, 30-7...that part of the day was sad.

The party got kicked off at 3:30. We had 31 people partying like 3 year olds at the bash. It's always lots of fun to get our families together. It also involves way too many presents for Hunter...but, oh well! The kid is spoiled.

This year, we went for a construction theme. I had SO much fun with this theme, and it was more inexpensive than you would imagine.

I loved my Caution wrapping job. I was so proud of myself after I wrapped Hunter's presents, I immediately ran upstairs, drug Chase down two flights of stairs and anxiously awaited his response. He said "wow, we got him too many presents."

We went with a yellow and black color scheme since wasting money on Construction themed plates seemed a bit ridiculous to me. Hunter was VERY excited about the "big truck" which we purchased as an accessory to his cake. For the tablecloths, I put my creativity to the max by purchasing plain black plastic tablecloths and then using white duct tape to make them into roads. Very exciting! Chase will remind me in 10 years that I was desperate to find the white duct tape...I wouldn't rest until we had some!

Yay for dump truck cakes! This cake was SO easy and so much fun! I lined two dump trucks with Glade Stick And Seal paper (much easier than foil, saran wrap, or wax paper). Then, I baked several normal chocolate cakes, and one Gluten free cake. After the cakes were cooled, I tore them into pieces, and lines the trucks with them. I topped each layer with a good helper of Chocolate pudding before adding the next layer of cake. For the regular cake, I topped everything with Oreo cookie crumbles. I added gummy worms to both cakes. They wouldn't have been complete without the Construction cone candles I ordered online. Not only were these cakes a huge hit, but, they were delicious without being overly sweet, and cleanup was a breeze. Hunter might get dump truck cakes for the rest of his life! :)

I also handmade 4 or 5 construction themed signs using yellow construction paper. I printed shadowed graphics I found on the internet and used Word to create text documents, and then it was as simple as cut and paste. This is the only one we got a picture of, but we also had a front loader, Work Zone, Party Zone, and Hard Hat Area. Another picture-less detail was the construction cones I borrowed from Sloan and Rafe which lined the walkway to the party. I went a little overboard with a roll of Caution tape from Home Depot as well. I also purchased 12 plastic hard hats from the internet. Some went to party guests, and a few others were used as chip bowls. Again, easy, and no bowls to wash afterwards!

Finally, the kind ladies at the Chambers and Parker Rd. Home Depot Customer Service were nice enough to give me 11 Home Depot kid aprons. I bought a pack of fabric paints and the kiddies had fun decorating their own aprons! Easy, and best of all, free! And no candy because I figured they got enough of that the night before...

I hope all my birthday boy's wishes came true that day...and with the loot he got, I believe he didn't even HAVE that many wishes! Happy Third Birthday Hunter! I love you!

Happy Birthday Nutty!

Happy Birthday to the most wonderful little three year old I know! I hope you have a wonderful birthday today! I hope the Bronco's beat the Ravens, and then I hope you have a terrific party, where all your three year old wishes come true!

We had a great Halloween last night! We met Shawna, Dylan and Dalton for dinner at Red Robin. It was yum, as usual. Then, we went to Trick or Street Mainstreet in Parker with them. Hunter got to go down the big inflatable slide, jump in the bounce house, take his first pony ride, and then get a little bit of candy. He had a great time, and was exhausted when we put him to bed.

Yes, I still carve watermelons as opposed to pumpkins! It's just so much yummier! This year, I managed to find a 32.5lb watermelon at Sprouts. It was HUGE. And it was actually pretty yummy as well! Hunter decided we needed to carve it as Lightning McQueen, so that's what we did! He turned out okay I think!

They had pony rides at Trick or Treat Mainstreet, and Hunter was very excited to ride a horse for the first time! He was cracking up our guide by saying "GIDDY UP BIG HORSIE." Very cute my boy is...

Brrr!

Well, the storm has finally moved past us, leaving us with drifts of snow that are taller than Hunter. It's freezing outside, icy, and is just plain miserable in my opinion. Chase is back at work, and Hunter and I are back to the same ole stuff...cartoons, Oot Ooops (Fruit Loops), and lots of blankets.

We have errands to run this morning to get ready for Hunter's THIRD birthday! We're so excited, but totally not excited about having to go out in this miserable coldness. I've debated ways of putting it off until tomorrow, and might just do that. It's so miserable outside. We will need to venture out this afternoon to go to RE/MAX and let Hunter Trick or Treat with Chase's coworkers.

I'm reminded that three years ago today, I went to my final OB appointment. It was a Monday...Chase had the day off of work. That morning, we took the car seat to the Franktown Firehouse to get it installed in Chase's car. We still had 2 weeks to go. We went to the appointment, and Dr. Vargas announced we needed to get Hunter movin'. She wanted us to come back that night to the hospital to get induced. We went and saw a movie...something about a magic show. The Illusionist? I didn't pay attention the entire time. We rushed back home, ate a quick dinner (I had chicken raman noodles), finished packing our bags, and headed out. I was nervous, and excited, and was already exhausted from a long day.

They induced me at 8PM. We were highly anticipating and waiting on our Halloween baby. Hunter was going to share a birthday with my nephew, Chayse. I was in a lot of pain that night - back pain mostly, and slept on and off, but never deeply and woke up just as tired. When Dr. Vargas finally came to check on me in the morning, we discovered I hadn't dialted at all. I was of course suffering through contractions at that point in time, but, evidently, they weren't doing anything.

After an entire day of trials to try and get me to start dialating, we figured out we weren't going to have a Halloween baby.

Wednesday morning at 3AM, the pain was finally lifted when I got an epidural. Thank goodness for medicine!

We spent another long day Wednesday doing nothing. My body was also doing nothing. By Wednesday evening, I was dilated to 3, and a nurse manually dilated me 2 of those 3 (yes, you read that right...manually...it was totally uncomfortable). The pitocin was spiked so high I was starting to get a bit fuzzy. My heart rate increasted, my blood pressure increased, and like Mother like son, so did Hunter's. Chase made an executive decision then (with Dr. Vargas's help) that we were going to have a C-Section. at 5:34PM, on November 1st, Hunter was finally born.

That's enough of that for today!

I'm going to go get dressed, and then perhaps I'll feel motivated to go outside. Probably not.

It's here!

Some years I can make it as far as December or January without feeling completely depressed. This year, it's come before Halloween, and has made my life completely and utterly gray...at least for today. What is it? Snow. 14-24 inches south of Denver. At last check, we had 8, with 22 hours to go. *Sigh*

Today, Hunter and I slept in, cuddled until 9AM watching "Kittycat and Mouse" (aka Tom and Jerry), then I edited the mountain of pictures I had building on my hard drive while Hunter colored and played in his room. Every hour, we stopped to trudge outside and measure the snowfall. Every hour Hunter yelled from the porch "It's snowing Mommy! Snowing Mommy! Look, SNOW!" Please forgive me Hunter for my lack of enthusiasm and lack of motivation to put on your snow clothes and let you play in it. That's what Daddy is for. Mommy wishes she was in Arizona.

It's sad for me to come onto the blog and see that I haven't updated since the beginning of September, and before that, June. I love writing, and always use writing as my emotional release. I love my blog because it's captured what we do everyday, and how I am feeling, and what our family is going through -- I feel secure knowing that someday, if Hunter wants those memories back, he'll be able to have them. But then I look, and see that my blogging has taken a backseat, and I wonder why that is. The only thing that I can conceive as a possible answer is that my emotionalness this past few months has been reserved to sleepless nights laying in bed, letting the tears steam down my face in solitude, knowing that I could keep a secret, could deal with it in ways other than writing, and could move on.

I realize now that I was lying to myself.

I don't really think I have many readers of this blog anymore, especially since I totally put it on the back burner all summer. But for anyone who's out there...beware...I'm emotional tonight, and I know that once and for all, I need to write this down, document it so I know that it happened and I can look back if I ever feel the need to remember, and then, maybe finally, I'll be able to put this behind me.

Over the summer, I had a miscarriage. It shouldn't have been traumatic. It shouldn't have been devastating. I shouldn't have even ever KNOWN about it. But I did, and it was. And today, three months later, I'm still grieving. A conversation with a good friend the other day led me to the point where I know I need to get my feelings out. So here it goes...

My baby would have been a honeymoon baby. I smile thinking about that because I would have loved that...even if I want a summer baby, and this baby would not have been. I would have been 4 months pregnant now...close enough to find out whether my baby would have been the girl I've dreamt about, or the boy I know I need. I don't even think I WANT to know the sex of our next baby beforehand...but today, I dream about being close to the day where I would have been able to. I dream about feeling the baby kick for the first time...I think I was 16 weeks when I first felt Hunter. And I cry because I know that that baby is gone, and I'll never be able to get those things.

I found out in a weird, round about way. I hadn't been feeling well. I didn't think I was pregnant, and even took a pregnancy test to confirm it, but, I felt like I was pregnant. I finally scheduled an appointment to my doctor, the day before we left on our big Missouri trip. I remember sitting on the low stone wall outside the beautiful lake house is Missouri as the doctor told me. She said I was either pregnant - but just barely...or, I had already miscarried. I cried. I could hear my doctor's heart breaking for me, even though I'm sure she's been down this road before, even as a general practitioner. Maybe I just needed to feel that she felt sorry for me. Maybe I just needed someone to be sorry.

I think deep down, I knew I wasn't pregnant. I had been feeling this way for way too long, and a coincidence just didn't make sense. But I think the hope took over so strongly that I allowed myself to push that thought out of my head. At least for the next week - until I could take another pregnant test - until I could be back in my own home - until I could cry and not feel like the world was judging me. Don't get me wrong - I cried plenty that week. I hid my emotions to the best of my ability, but then I would escape to our room and cry until the hope pushed through again.

During our ride back, we stopped to get lunch. Chase wanted Qdoba, but I started feeling sick at the mention of it. I got a sandwich instead, but when I walked into Qdoba, the smell was so potent that I immediately had the urge to throw up. I didn't...but, I stayed nauseous for the better part of an hour, until the smell had finally escaped our car. It gave me that glimmer of hope again. That maybe, just maybe, I was nauseous because I had the dreaded all-day sickness. For just that moment, I was perfectly content with being nauseous because maybe it meant that my baby was okay.

It wasn't okay, and I found out the morning after we got back from our trip. I took a pregnancy test, and it came back negative, just like all the others. All glimmers were gone, and I sunk into a depression that only lifted when Hunter was around. I could pull myself easily out of it when I needed to, to protect my secret from everyone I thought would judge me. What did she do? Did she drink? Smoke? Drugs? Too much activity? Too little activity? Not enough nutrients? Not healthy enough? It plagued me with the most guilt I think I've ever felt. For Mandy's birthday, a month into my pregnancy, the very weekend I miscarried according to my doctor, I took her to BJ's and I had a margarita. Is that what did it? Because I didn't have the ability to refuse a drink, I killed my baby! Because I wanted a little liquor, I was selfish enough to destroy what hadn't even had the chance to be?? The guilt ran through every fiber of my being for weeks. I did it. It was my fault. I killed my baby. At some point in time, I talked myself out of the guilt, although it still lies dormant in me. This happens all the time. 1 in 3 woman...my doctor had told me...most won't even know because the miscarriage will happen at the time of your period. I wouldn't have known had I not gone in. God...wouldn't that have been such a great alternative. I was so close to being completely oblivious to the war my body fought with my baby...the baby who had no choice but to surrender.

Day by day, I'm getting better. Stronger. I cry less. I have conversations in my head about what to say when someone asks "When are you guys going to have another baby?" I have the answer all planned out. But sometimes...like my good friend Amy discovered last week...I'm not strong enough to blurt out my built in answer and instead, I go into a world of shock, grief, and guilt.

So for anyone out there who wants to know, my built in answer is "We will have another baby when we're ready. It's not right now. Probably not soon. But when we're ready, we will." And inside...I think to myself..."and that baby will be perfect."

And for the record. I was on birth control. We were not trying, although, everyone knows we'd welcome another baby with nothing but open arms. I was on birth control with Hunter. Evidently, my body and birth control don't always get along.

So for tonight, that's my story. Tonight, I hope I grieve for the last time in a long time. I hope I really can put this behind me now that I feel like I've told my story. I hope that I don't lay awake thinking about it anymore. If I ever need to remember...it's right here.

Thank you for anyone who took the time to read all of this.

Zomg, I'm alive...

Wow. I can't believe I've gone all summer without posting. Well, it's past labor day now, and back to the old grind.

We had a lot of fun this summer. Most of our weekends were spent out of town - either up at Grand Lake, down south in Pueblo, anywhere where we could pitch a tent and enjoy the summer evenings. It got a bit old by the end...it seemed I just finished putting our camping stuff away when I was digging it back out though. We made so many memories this summer though...

We took a week long trip to Missouri with Chase's Dad and siblings. We went to the Lake of the Ozarks, and even though the week was emotionally hard for me *for reasons beyond anyone's control*, it's still my new favorite lake, and we had a lot of fun. Hunter was even well behaved on the 12 hour drive. Thank you Papa and Mama for the VCR and "Kitty Cat and Mouse" tape.

Chase and I bought a catamaran mid August for $50. Obviously, for $50, it needs a lot of work, but we have all winter to get it ready for some serious sailing next spring. Or something like that. Chase is still convincing me that this is a good idea. We did enjoy sailing on our honeymoon...

Football season is finally back, which is the only reason I look forward to Fall. I am not excited to see the Broncos go downhill this season, but, contrary to McDaniel's beliefs, I think this is a rebuilding year and perhaps next year we will see some light. Guac and chips on Sundays gets me through the long, dreary, gray months.

Hunter's third birthday is rapidly approaching. Birthday party details are in the works, and this years 3 year old blowout shall be the best ever. Hunter will also be starting preschool within the next month or so. He is doing SO much better with his speech and almost always communicates his needs to us using words now (high five, Hunter). He has trouble articulating however, so usually only Mommy can understand him. He'll be getting extra help at preschool, and we're confident his speech therapy days are coming to an end!

I don't know what else to say except that I feel happy that my blogging was only put on temporary leave due to a summer full of memories - some good, some bad, but never will any of them be forgotten. I'll always cherish my days with my two boys.

Someday I'll add some pics. Right now, it's bedtime.

Our Honeymoon.

Day Cinco!

I can't believe this is our last full day here. I'm ready to go home, but it's still going to be difficult leaving such a beautiful place.

Not a huge update here - we went sailing this morning, which was really fun. This afternoon, we're just going to hang out by the pool, and maybe go kayaking again. Tonight, we have a romantic dinner on the beach for two - I'm very excited about that!!

This will probably be my last update until we get home. I don't want to pay another $10 for another day of internet...so, we'll see you when we're in the states!! I have Monday off, so I'm sure I'll have pictures up then!

Hasta leugo!

Day Quatro!

What a day! We got up early this morning to go ATV'ing. I was super worried as it was really pouring when we left...the skies looked just as they did yesterday, and ATVing through the rain and mud didn't sound appealing to me. Luckily, as we drove 1/2 an hour (like maniacs in the back of a bus type vehicle) the rain stopped, the sun came out and by the time we actually left on ATVs we were hot!

We rode for 2 or so hours through the jungle of the Dominican. It was very green, very muddy, and very fun! We looked liked swamp monsters by the end though! Half way through, we stopped at a Dominican house and talked to the locals and saw how they lived. It was such an eye opener. They don't even have clothes lines...they just hang their clothes over the fences. They are all so nice and welcoming though...it really makes you think twice about the luxieries we have back home...

We got back, showered and got lunch at the buffet. Have I talked about the meals here?? Not only do you have dessert with every meal, but you have liike 10 different options for dessert. Today, I tried 3 of them and they were all fantastic! Yum!!

Last night, we had dinner at the Roma, an italian restraunt. It was a much better experience than the night before. The service was much better and the food was delicious! Then, we went to the "Spectacular Show" at the resort's theater. They did songs and dancing from different countries around the world - very cool! They did a 50's rock thing from America, and the Can Can and some song about America in Spanish that I couldn't understand, but Chase thinks it was about how they hate Americans, lol.

This afternoon, we went to the ocean for awhile, and then headed to the bar at the pool where we hung out for a few hours. Now, Chase is taking a nap and I'm trying to remedy my clogged ears which have now reduced my hearing to zilch. It sounds like I need rubbing alcohol and vinegar -- two things I didn't think I had a reason to bring to the DR...I'll head down to the gift store and see if I can drop $50 on them!

If you are expecting gifts...think again. It's not Mexico here! You can barter (with vendors, not shops), but it's still VERY expensive. We bought a painting, which the guy said he painted himself..but...we saw more of the same kind where we went ATV'ing today. Lol! Guess it's not an original...good thing we didn't pay his full price! We also bought Hunter's some maracas which Chase thinks I spent way too much on ($10). I'll probably get a tshirt before we're done...but, that will be it. Expensive!!

We have one full day left in which we are hoping to go sailing and snorkeling. Chase also wants to rock climb, but he'll be on his own for that one as I do not want to throw out my back!

It's still beautiful and wonderful, but I miss Hunter and am ready to come home! We'll see you soon!!!

Day Tres

Hola! Como estas?!

Day 3 here in Punta Cana has been stormy. The entire day has been filled with showers. Unfortunately, we were unable to go sailing more because of the lack of wind than the rain showers, but oh well! We're trying again Friday.

Tomorrow we are going off roading. I'm a little nervous about getting so muddy -- and letting Chase drive! It could be scary!!

Last night we had dinner at The Marlin, which is a Seafood/Steak place. The food was okay, but the service was slow slow slow. We were there for 2 or so hours...at least we didn't have anywhere else to be! The service here is definately not the same as in America!

During a break in the rain today, we hung out in the lukewarm tubs...we thought it would be a great idea, but they were almost as cold as the pool...and maybe colder than the ocean! Oh well!

Overall, we're still having fun. I have some goop in my ear or something and it's really bugging me...so any tips on how to get it out would be much appreciated. I think it's water from swimming, but, it's been 24 hours or so now with no relief, so I'm not sure. I even bought ear drops for $18 hoping they would help...oh well!

Hasta luego!!!

Still beautiful...

What a wonderful world the Dominican is.

Chase and I had to get up early (8:30) to make an orientation at 9AM about our return flights as well as the excursions here! We're thinking of doing something...but are still debating what. Chase wants to go barreling through the forest on ATVs and come back covered in mud...which sounds fun, but I don't know that I have clothes to ruin!!! We'll see!

Today, we went kayaking, which was fun. The ocean is so pretty and clear. We even found some coral...but no fish. We signed up for sailing tomorrow so that should be fun. We also spent a few hours near the swim up bar drinking and swimming. We even met some fellow Americans, which, is rare here! Hardly anyone speaks English, but I think I've heard about 10 other different languages!

Tonight, we have dinner at a seafood/steak restaurant, should be yummy! Then, I think we're going to go see a show at the hotel's theater - it suppose to be a circus tonight! Fun!

Well, that's long enough! Hope all you Coloradoans are enjoying the tornadoes!!!

Punta Cana!

After a torturous night of flying, Chase and I landed in Punta Cana around 1:30 this afternoon. It is gorgeous here!

Chase and I are concerned about hurricanes and Punta Cana. Both the airport and our hotel are completely open and the airport even had a straw type room! Even some of the restaurants in our hotel are completely open....it's nice when the breeze is blowing, but it is very humid!

Our room got upgraded to a suite, so it's huge and gorgeous. We have a wonderful view of the pool and ocean from our deck. They brought us a fruit tray and bottle of wine this afternoon. Everyone is so kind and thoughtful. They even have a flyer out that is congratulating us, along with the other honeymooning couples! Very cool! It's even sorta fun trying to navigate through the language barrier as they don't speak a lot of English here...

We ate dinner tonight at the buffet. There was so much food, but, the names were all in Spanish, so we had a hard time figuring out what was what. We ended up venturing out a little bit -- I even tried Octopus. Tomorrow, we'll get reservations for one of the restraunts they have on site here.

Everything is just wonderful, and we're so excited for our week here! I'm going to try and upload our pictures here: http://chaseandholly.shutterfly.com/ so I don't have to upload them to 100 different places. We'll see if it works.

EEEEEEEEEK!

I LOVE BJ, Howie and Erica on the Alice 105.9 morning show.

I just won tickets to their listener appreciation show this Friday to see the PLAIN WHITE T's! I am so excited I could start screaming any second. I've been bouncing off the walls all morning. They are the best!!!!

AMAZING!

So, I just have to share some wonderful news with the world because I am OH SO excited!

Chase and I have an ancient video camera. It's so ancient, I refuse to use it. It's huge, it's heavy, the tapes are expensive, I can't hook it up to the computer, and I don't have a VCR to replay the tapes on. It's pretty much useless. We've taped a few of Hunter's important moments up to this point, but mostly, they sit in the dark in the closet not being watched!

For the wedding, we sent out an email (you may remember this) to our family and friends asking if anyone had a digital video cam we could borrow for the wedding to record our ceremony. Low and behold, there were a few out there, and I was excited just about being able to tape the wedding...AND THEN, it got even better!

Chase's WONDERFUL Aunt and Uncle in Utah bought us one with a hard drive for our wedding gift! And they were even nice enough to mail it to us early so we could get started using it! We are both THRILLED, and Hunter LOVES it too. We couldn't be more thankful to Paul and Sue for this awesome gift which will be used over and over again.

So, get ready for some awesome videos of Hunter coming soon!

Our day at the zoo...plus the snow pics from before!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

In serious need of an update!

Time really flies. It's been so long since I updated. Oh well. Life happens.

These are from our snow storm last weekend. It was 80 one day...then, the next day, we had a blizzard! I LOVE Colorado! Unfortunately, I was sick all weekend, but Chase and Hunter had some fun in the snow with the dogs! It was Hunter's real first time playing in the snow this season...and last I hope! His snowpants are getting too small!

I'm ready to go Mom!

Are my boys not the best?!? I LOVE this picture of them...even without faces!

This was part way through the storm! I think we ended up with about 15 inches or so! It was all gone 2 days later leaving us with GREEN GREEN grass!

I love Jetta's ears in this one!

Jetta and Miley size comparison...to me, Miley is TINY, but she's actually really tall. She's just VERY skinny!